Friday, February 29, 2008


Happy birthday to all the leap year babies.

And for those leap year babies turning 52 (or 13 by leap years) have a happy bar mitzvah.


I have fantastic news for those of you who like the slutty and unhygienic look. Amy Winehouse is coming out with a line of beauty products. Yes, now you, too, can get the Amy Winehouse look. The line will include hairspray, liquid eyeliner (paint brush not included), head scarves, and perfumes. I believe the perfume will be called eau de Skank.


Amy Amy Amy. Despite winning 5 Grammy awards recently, it's reported that Amy Winehouse is back to her crack whore ways. Her diet right now is cocaine, ecstasy, booze, and marijuana.
Amy deliberately burnt her hand with a lighter and screamed: ‘My life is a shell of what it was. People talk to me and I just zone out. It’s like the whole world is now stillborn. Colours aren’t as bright, love doesn’t feel real. I don’t know who I am and I just feel numb.’
Amy, what are you doing? Get help.

Thursday, February 28, 2008


On Saturday, March 1st The Committee to Save the Bay Ridge United Methodist Church will be holding its second Rally from noon to 2:00.

It’s time for Bay Ridge to Wake Up!

Respect those whose remains are in the crypt
Learn the truth behind this Condo Developer
Help your neighbors who live next door
Get involved in your community’s fight to keep Bay Ridge beautiful.

For further information, please call 718-748-5950.


There's something in the ether because Gotham City Insider is also contemplating ending his blog.

If you haven't read the GCI, you should. If Kerouac, Dylan, Joe Strummer, Jon Stewart, and a drunk Mary Hart all had a love child, it would be the GCI. He doesn't just write, he erupts, he spews, he hurtles forward, daring the reader to keep up. He's sharp, shrewed, and smart. He's an endless depository of references, from Mott the Hoople to Oda Mae Brown, from Kim Kardasshian to Salam Pax. He's inside looking out and outside looking in.

GCI, if you leave Maggie's Farm, send word when the book is published.

You'll be missed.


The Bay Ridge blogosphere is imploding.

Right in Bay Ridge, a wonderful blog about life in Bay Ridge, has come to an end. Righty has decided to close his blog.
After much reflection and a shift in priorities, I have decided not to continue running the Right in Bay Ridge blog any longer.
Righty goes out on a high note, after his story about Richard Martin, the crazed superintendent, was picked up by the NY Times, The New Yorker, and just about every other publication in NYC.

Righty, you will be sorely missed and I wish you the best.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


William F. Buckley died today. He was 82.

What's really odd is his body was discovered at the Gregory Hotel.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


The foreclosure deal of a lifetime is only a month away.

Michael Jackson's famed Neverland Ranch will go up for auction next month unless Jacko can pony up $24 million.

So what's included with the ranch? You get 2,800 acres, a zoo, a theme park, a Ferris wheel, merry-go-round, zipper ride (Michael's favorite), spider ride, sea dragon ride, wave swinger, super slide, dragon wagon kiddie roller coaster and bumper cars.

And that's not all. According to the dreaded FOX news -
It's not just the house either. When Neverland is auctioned, it will include everything: all personal property inside, all fixtures and appliances, furniture, and "all merry go round type devices," any rides, games. The auction literally includes every single thing that is or isn't nailed down.
The mind reels and the stomach churns at the thought of what is inside. But it's awfully enticing.

The ranch is in the Santa Ynez Valley. And if you get a craving for young boys, a small prep school, the Midland School, is located across the road from the ranch.


Here's yet another update on the Paul Mento death.

Newsday is reporting that
investigators have information that he had a gambling problem, according to a law enforcement official who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation has not been completed.
Gambling problem.
Possible debt to someone who really wanted the money.
Suicide from duct tape over mouth and nose.

One of these things doesn't fit.


Okay, so they're saying Paul Mento committed suicide by asphyxiation caused by duct tape over his mouth. I've never tried it and I don't intend to try it, but wouldn't the natural reaction to not breathing be to rip the duct tape off your mouth?

I'm not buying the suicide theory and I'm certainly not buying stock in Best Western.


So here's yet another update about the death of Paul Mento.

As you may know by now, Paul Mento was found dead the at the Best Western Gregory hotel. It was initially reported (here at Left in Bay Ridge as well) that he was found duct taped to a chair. This evidently is false. Then it was reported (here as well) that he was found in the bathtub with duct tape over his mouth. This is evidently false as well. Police said they were investigating the death as "suspicious." Um, yeah, duct tape over the mouth and all.

Well, the latest is the police have ruled Paul Mento's death as a suicide. A WHAT!? That's right, a suicide. According to the Brooklyn Daily Eagle -
The Medical Examiners Office determined that it was in fact a suicide, and that Mento died through asphyxiation caused by the duct tape.
Police found no blood, no trauma, no signs of struggle, no drugs and no alcohol. “Not a piece of furniture was touched,” according to a police source.
No word yet on whether there was a suicide note.

But one thing is certain, for all your banquet and murder needs in Brooklyn, the Best Western (Gre)Gory Hotel is your best bet.


According to the NY Times, the body found at the Gregory Hotel in the Ridge was Paul Mento, 52. His mouth was covered with duct tape. And here's the best part -
"The police said they were investigating the death as suspicious."
Sharp as tacks, that police force.

And yet John Rossi's suspicious death not so suspicious to the police.

Monday, February 25, 2008


No sooner do I post about crime stats and the fact that the Ridge hasn't had a murder so far this this year when - STABBO! - the Best Western Gregory comes through with a murder.

The Rover has the details so far. Man taped to a chair, stabbed to death. Your typical Bay Ridge hotel murder.

But here's a hint - don't stay at the Best Western Gregory Hotel!



My youtube videos keep disappearing. Oy. Here's Amy singing Love is a Losing Game.


Richard Martin, the Ridge's nut-job racist superintendent, has added "hypocrite" to his title. Seems the uncouth toothless boob was caught throwing his dog's poo into the street. This from the guy who has called the tenants in his building "retarded" and "stupid" because he feels they don't know how to properly use a garbage can. Seems Dick doesn't know how, either.
"You caught me, I take the dog doo-doo and I just toss it in the street," said Martin, 71, after the Daily News busted him throwing his dog's waste on the street in front of his 278 91st St. building.
So why does this Dick feel he can give his tenants shit while flinging his dog's poo?
"I may be a hypocrite, but I'm going to be 72 in five months so I just don't really give a [expletive]," Martin told The News. "See, I guess I'm not the cleanest person, either, but at least I don't leave cardboard out in the rain like my disgusting tenants.
That's right - because he's old. That's his reasoning. Dick is a crazy old [expletive] so the laws don't apply to him.

Wet cardboard on the sidewalk...? How revolting! Fresh poo in the street...? The 'merican way.

Dick, your poo stinks and so do you. Go fling your poo somewhere else.


It's near the end of February so I thought I'd check in to see how we're doing crime-wise compared to last year. Here in the Ridge we're down so far in murders, rapes, robbery, assault, burglary, and grand larceny auto. We're up in grand larceny.

Overall we're down -6.34% from last year. Our 2-year change is -16.35, 7 year change is -33.50, and our 15 year change is -78.75. But don't forget that holiday murder rush we had at the end of 2007.

City wide is not so good. We're up in murder, rape, robbery, assault, and grand larceny auto. We're down in burglary and grand larceny.

Overall city wide we're up .31 since last year.

So what does all this mean? Hell if I know. I'm still pissed off Starbucks is closing early tomorrow.


If you can't live without your Starbucks latte, you better get it before 5:30pm tomorrow. All Starbucks - yes, you read that correctly - ALL Starbucks will be closing at 5:30 for "emergency intensive remedial training." It's all part of Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz's plan to revitalize the dropping numbers of customers -- and revitalize the dropping stock price.

So Wednesday, visit your local Starbucks and congratulate the barista on his/her remedial training. And ask for a demonstration of the "free pour," which they'll be learning tomorrow.

Sunday, February 24, 2008


There's nothing more American than visiting a National Park while packin' heat. Or so the dream goes. But that dream could soon be a reality.
In a victory for gun-rights advocates, the federal government is preparing to relax a decades-old ban on bringing loaded firearms into national parks.
And some of those decades-old bans have been in place for ten decades. But that doesn't stop the good old U.S. of A.
The proposed rule change would let visitors carry loaded weapons into national parks in states with few gun restrictions, such as Montana.
Suntan lotion - check.
Mosquito Spray - check.
Bushmaster CO-WITNESS Carbine 16" Flat Top, with Flip Rear Sight, and 3 Rail Front Sight Block - check.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


The lunatic - on the verge of a shooting spree - superintendent from Bay Ridge has been getting a ton of press lately. Beehive, Righty, and Rover have been on top of it all.

The crackpot has ridiculed the tenants, calling them "stupid" and "retarded." He also told them that if they can't read they should head for a local airport and not come back - the assumption being that it's only foreigners who can't read.

But perhaps ol' madman bigot should proofread some of his signs before he ridicules the huddled masses.

I particularly like "Close the dam door" and "stop being sissy's." Stop being sissy's what? Sissy's bitch?

Mark Ronson en Amy Winehouse op de Brit Awards

And this one as well.

Amy Winehouse Brit Awards performance (uploaded again)

Seems like there are some problems on youtube, so I'll try this one again.


Snow, sleet, ice, slush, freezing rain. NYC is experiencing its worst snowstorm of the year. 1000 flights have been canceled. And I'm dreaming of Beverly. Hills, that is. Swimming pools. Movie stars.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


And then my runner up girlfriend to Melisa Christian came out and sang Love is a Losing Game. But what the hell with the shoutout to her incarcerated hubby? Her no-good-oooo-I-love-drugs-so-much-I'll-sell-pics-of-my-wife-for-heroin hubby?

Probably just a ruse to throw everyone off the scent of her new found love for me.


She may have missed the rehearsal and panicked the producers, but Amy Winehouse showed up for the Brit Awards and knocked everyone's knickers off.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


Oh mama Obama won Wisconsin! Nine straight! Can you say President Oh Mama?!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Fidel Castro, that wacky Communist leader, resigned as Cuba's President. Our own wacky leader thinks democracy is on its way with free and fair elections -
“And I mean free and I mean fair, not these kind of staged elections that the Castro brothers try to foist off as true democracy.”
Yeah, Castro brothers! Free and fair. Just like the 2000 elections here in FreeandFairland.

But in all fairness to Fidel, it was under his rule that the world saw its first truckonaut. Thank you, Fidel.

Monday, February 18, 2008


I was going to use this pic for the Holy Cow post but opted against it. After looking at it again, I decided it needed a post of its own.

She can recall my beef anytime.


So here's the latest beef - The Westland/Hallmark Meat Company in Chino, CA, -
issued the largest beef recall in history, 143 million pounds, some of which was used in school lunch programs.
Here's the part I love -
Agriculture officials said there was little health risk from the recalled meat because the animals had already passed pre-slaughter inspection and much of the meat had already been eaten.
How do you recall meat that's already been eaten?

The recall follows an incredibly disturbing undercover video released by the Humane Society -
showing workers kicking cows, ramming them with forklift blades, applying electric shocks and even using waterboarding
Waterboarding!? Are they terrorist cows?

I hear the Bush administration also tapped their phone lines.

Saturday, February 16, 2008


I have not lost my jail-time obsession with Melisa Christian. Oh no. But lately I have had an infatuation with Amy Winehouse. What an amazing talent. It looks like she might be on the mend. I sure hope so. I love listening to her. I'm kicking myself for not seeing her at Joe's Pub last year. The wife could have gotten us in for free, but noooo, we had to pass.


This morning saw a band of mighty preservationists (sans pro-Green Church Vincent Gentile and Janele Hyer-Spencer) protesting the sale and possible future demolition of the Ridge's infamous Green Church.

As we all know by now, the church is being sold to Abe "who needs heat?" Betesh of Abecoe Management. Local preservationists would like to see the church's life spared and used for another use. The church's congregation wants to go through with the sale, tear down the church, build a a new, smaller church (for the 20 or so congregants), and let Abe build 50 or so condos.

Complicating matters is how to move the 211 people who were reinterred from the original church. Maybe they won't move them and the condos will be built on a cemetery. Oooo, and we all know how that turns out.

So how did the protest go? Well, the Green Church is still standing so I say chalk one up for the preservationists.

Picture may not depict actual protest.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


People often ask me what the difference is between the Upper West Side and Bay Ridge. Well, Overheard in New York has posted the perfect answer.
Mom to seven-year-old crossing street: "Be careful, dear. You don't want to get run over or we can't have sushi."

--78th & Amsterdam

Father to son running towards intersection: "Remember! A foot in the street means a foot in your ass!"

--57th & 4th, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Simple and beautiful.


If you're reading this and it's Feb 13, 2008, stop reading and turn on the TV. Clemens and McNamee are on Capital Hill and it's a helluva show so far.

You can also go here to keep up to speed on it.


Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have a broken collar bone. But it's pretty hard not to laugh at this video.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


I read two disturbing articles today about gangs in Bay Ridge. Graffiti crime was up 96% in Brooklyn last year, more than in any of the boroughs.
Graffiti often signifies a gang presence in an unsuspecting neighborhood, like Bay Ridge.
The Ridge had 185 graffiti crime complaints last year, up from 73 in 2006. That's an increase of 156.9%!! Only Williamsburg had more complaints with 186. Just one more than The Ridge, so I'm going to call it even. If I was getting that kind of increase in my investments that would be fantastic. But I'm not.

So what does that say about The Ridge!?

I'll tell you what it says and it isn't pretty. According to Deanna Rodriguez, head of the Brooklyn district attorney's gang unit,
"once you know how to read it, it can be frightening. When it comes to gangs, they are not tagging places because they have nothing else to do, they're making a statement. This is a precursor to other activities, and when we see it, we can pretty much tell when the violence is coming."
Oh good. That just made my day. Where's my Xanax? Evidently, The Ridge is popular with the Latin Kings, a Puerto Rican gang, and the Italian gang Hoodlums Doing Damage.

Maybe we should have less Gestapo meter maids and have more police to combat this growing problem.


You could be the Pop Wreck.

Monday, February 11, 2008


Today was a banner day for court drama fans. Bobby Cutts, the ex-police officer accused of killing his 9-month pregnant girlfriend, took the stand today, and in a complete change of plans, admitted to killing her.

But Cutts says it was an accident.

Yeah, right.

His testimony is so full of holes, only the Pope is holier. He didn't call 911 because he couldn't turn on his girlfriend's cellphone and he forgot his was in his truck. I'm surprise he didn't say he forgot the number. He got rid of the body because he didn't want his 2 year old son to see his mommy dead. He was all about protecting his son but then left him alone for how many days? After he dumped the body he washed his truck because there were a lot of bugs on it. Really!? It goes on and on. I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow.

Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney are in court this week, hammering out the financial details of their divorce.

Mills lost her leg in 1993 and evidently has lost her mind because she fired her lawyers and is representing herself. Nice move. Rumor is that Sir Paul offered her $50 million but the One-Legged Gold-Digger, who was accompanied by her make-up artist, wants twice that amount.

And now there's a claim that the gimpy ex-hooker had a six-month affair with the porn star name sounding Tim Steel while she was dating Sir Paul. And what an affair! Steel claims the Hobble Whore was
"insatiable, she demanded sex six times a night."
Steel also said the Totter tart
"went wild with pleasure when he massaged her amputated limb."


I just checked the weather here in The Ridge --
Temperature: 13 °F
Wind Chill -7 °F
My nipppleometer is broken but I think that's colder than Abe Betesh's heart. Stay inside!


Billy Joel will be the last performer to play Shea Stadium.
The Last Play At Shea, From The Beatles To Billy concert will take place on July 16 - in the middle of the Mets' final season at the stadium.
No news on whether Joel will be sober for the concert, but sources report he's asked for a bottle of red and a bottle of white.

Attend the Tale of Sweeney Floyd

I got this from my friend Betsey.

Sunday, February 10, 2008


Obama continued his winning ways by taking Maine today. Hillary has got to be nervous. On Tuesday the Dems have primaries in Virginia, Maryland and the District of Columbia and Oh Mama is leading in all three polls.

Oh Mama Oh Mama.

Saturday, February 9, 2008


Wow. Do you think Americans want to change the direction of this country? Barack Obama was expected to win the three primaries today but not by as much as he did. He trounced Hillary getting 68% in Washington, 68% in Nebraska, and (with 81% reporting) 55% in Louisiana.

And Short Fuse McCain suffered an embarrassing loss in Kansas as Huckelberry nabbed 60% of the votes. In fact, Huckelberry is leading in Louisiana and Washington. Could Republicans be sending a message to the Short Fuse?

If America wants a new direction (and all polls say we do) then it could be Oh-Mama and Huckelberry in the battle for the White House. Hillary may seem as too old Washington and the Short Fuse will just be too much of what we've had for 8 long years. And for the love of god, please don't give us 8 more years of the same thing.

Friday, February 8, 2008


I was feeling a little blue today. My wife threw out my entire spoon collection. So imagine my joy when my New York Road Runner's magazine arrived and there on page 38 -- Sweet sweet Melisa Christian.

Melisa, Valentine's Day is only a few days away.


I turned on the TV this morning to see what was happening in the world. First stop:


They were doing a story about a shooting in Kirkwood, MO, where s Charles Lee "Cookie" Thornton walked into a city council meeting and opened fire, killing 5 people and wounding 2 others. CNN was on the scene and a reporter was interviewing the gunman's brother. This was a big mistake. The reporter had to have known it was a big mistake. The brother was defending Cookie's actions. Um -- hello -- your brother just killed 5 people. Seems Cookie had been a problem for a while -
"He would make inappropriate noises, heehawing like a donkey. He would make derogatory comments towards the director of public works, the city attorney and the mayor. None of it seemed to make any sense as far as him trying to make a point, as far as why he was really there and what his major complaints were."
And to make matters worse, the brother was smirking!! The anchor, Tony Harris, (who looks a lot like Larry Wilmore from The Daily Show) put a halt to the interview.

I don't know much about law enforcement, but I think the police outta keep their eyes on the Thornton family.

So I click to:


They were doing a story about a shooting in Baton Rouge, LA, where a girl walked into a college classroom and killed 2 girls and then shot herself. And the NRA says we don't need gun laws.

Then I switched back to:


They were now doing a story about John McCain and they were interviewing George "Macaca" Allen!! You've got to be kidding me. Does this man have any credibility left?

So I turned off the TV and made my way to Starbucks.

Thursday, February 7, 2008


Can't get enough American Idol? Do you go through withdraw as soon as the winner is announced and his or her career goes in the toilet while the 2nd and 3rd place finishers go on to have fantastic careers?

Well fear no more.

Disney announced today that it will be building an American Idol attraction at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida.
"Disney World visitors will be able to audition for the show at various locations, then perform and compete in front of studio audiences in a new American Idol sound stage that Disney will develop. The daily winners will be invited to try out for the TV show."
I wonder if Mickey Mouse will be Simon Cowell? Because nothing shatters a young child's dreams more then having Mickey Mouse, the friendliest rodent in the world, say "You're utterly horrible. I'm serious. You have no talent. None. You're horribly disillusioned. Thankfully I will not see you real soon and I don't love you. Off with you. "

Photo Courtesy of Walt Disney Parks and Resorts


Didn't dubya say he was going to catch him "dead or alive" and then go off into the wrong country? Since it's the year of the rat, I think it's time someone tried to find him.

Morgan Spurlock, the creator of "Super Size Me" is on the case.


So the wife and I were thinking of taking our daughter to Radio City Music to see Chinese New Year Splendor. It looks spectacular. We mentioned it to a friend and she said, "Oh no, don't go. It's Falun Gong. Lots of brainwashing."

Okay, Falun Gong -- I know it's a spiritual practice banned in China. They've been persecuted in China and Human Rights activists have been fighting for them. Okay, fine, how bad could it be?

Well this article came out in the Old Grey Lady --
Before long came a ballet piece in which three women were imprisoned by a group of officers, and one was killed. At the end of the number, more members of the audience, in twos and fours and larger groups, began to walk out. At intermission, dozens of people, perhaps a few hundred, were leaving.
Okay that's pretty bad.

Falun Gong is based on Qigong, which involve the coordination of different breathing patterns with various physical postures and motions of the body. So it's sort of like Tai Chi or yoga and has been compared to Buddhism and Taoism.

But then I read that they believe --
followers have a spinning wheel in their bellies that pushes out evil and attracts good. In 1999, its founder, Li Hongzhi, told a Time magazine reporter that aliens from other planets were responsible for corrupting mankind by teaching modern science.

Yipes! Sound like the perfect group for Tom Cruise.


Oh man, after a disastrous Super Tuesday, Romney is dropping out of the race. So now it looks like Short Fuse McCain is going to be the Republican candidate. There's just no way Huckleberry Hound can overtake him.

I liked Mitt the Sh*@ and thought he'd be a good Republican choice. I used to like the Short Fuse but he seems to have gone a bit loony the past few years.

So what's the lesson learned here? Don't vote for anyone the Phantom likes.


The Pop Wreck has been released from the nut house. That's right, as if anyone cares, Britney Spears has left the loony bin.

She sneaked out, undetected by the paparazzi, but made sure they found her in no time. Her black Mercedes was soon swarmed by the paparazzi, which included 2 helicopters! Two helicopters!! Thank you, FOX news!

And you can all rest easy knowing she hasn't dropped her faux British accent. Seriously, what the hell is up with that?

I'm heading to LA next week. Will I see the Wreck? Ooooo, I hope so. I'm all a tingle.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


If it involves drinking, the Rover is all over it. He has posted that construction has begun on the old Griswold's and the rumor is it will be a bank. A BANK!!?? We need a new bank for someone to knock off?

I have a better idea - someone call Emerick - it's the perfect size for his congregation.


Tuesday, February 5, 2008


The results are pouring in and if for some reason you're checking here and not, oh I don't know, a major news site, I'll post them as they come in.

UPDATE: I'm going to bed. There are lots of projected winners but we know what happened in 2000, so I'm not going to report those. I'll update in the morning.
(Like you can't go to CNN or NYT to see the results. I'm a maroon)

MORNING UPDATE: My 3 year old daughter predicts Clinton and McCain.

Alabama: Welcome back Clintons is leading, but Oh Mama charges back and wins.
So is Short Fuse, but Huckleberry wins!

Alaska: Oh Mama takes it.

American Samoa (what the hell!?):

AZ: Welcome Back Clintons wins.
Short Fuse takes it as well.

Arkansas: Welcome Back Clintons takes her old home state.
As does Huckleberry.

CA: Welcome Back takes the Golden State and my old state.
Short Fuse is on a roll and takes it as well.

Colorado: Oh Mama wins CO.
Mitt the Sh*@ finally wins something.

Conn: U Conn do it Oh Mama.
Short Fuse wins Conn.

Del: Obama wins the first state
So does the Short Fuse.

GA: The Devil went down to Georgia and voted Obama.
And he voted Huckelberry.

Idaho: Oh Mama with a huge victory!

IL: Oh Mama takes his homestate, Illinois.
John Short Fuse McCain takes Illinois.

Kansas: What the hell is wrong with Kansas picks Oh Mama big time.

MA: Welcome Back takes MA.
Sh*@ takes it as well, phew.

Minn: Oh Mama!

MO: Show Me Oh Mama!
Short Fuse again!

Montana: Sh*@ wins another state.

NJ: Welcome Back Clintons, to the Garden State.
The Short Fuse takes the Garden State

New Mexico: Too close to call.

NY: Clinton takes her home state.
The Short Fuse wins.

North Dakota: Oh Mama takes North Dakota.
The Sh*@ takes ND.

OK: Hillary is OK.
Short Fuse wins as well.

Tenn: Welcome Back Clinton takes the Volunteer State.
Huckelberry wins the the pic-i-nic basket.

Utah: Oh Mama big.
Sh*@ takes the Mormon State.

W. Virginia: Huckleberry Hound takes WV.


Evidently my new year resolution to start drinking earlier in the day has been paying off. I have now referred to Rover as Righty. Twice.

So to make up for it, I give you Rover, Righty, Whitey, and the Phantom.