And then Mr. Short Term Memory can't remember saying it.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Posted by Mark at 9:32 PM
Monday, September 29, 2008
Here's another email I got from an imaginary friend.
You are The Boss... which team would you hire?
With America facing historic debt, multiple war fronts, stumbling health care, a weakened dollar, all-time high prison population, skyrocketing Federal spending, mortgage crises, bank foreclosures, etc. etc., this is an ***unusually critical*** election year.
Let's look at the educational background of your two options:
Occidental College - Two years.
Columbia University - B.A. political science with a specialization in international relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude
University of Delaware - B.A. in history and B.A . in political science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)
United States Naval Academy - Class rank 894 of 899
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in journalism
(verified through Anchorage Daily News adn.com 1981-1987. 5 schools in 6 years!
Now, which team are you going to 'hire'?
I'd like to apologize for the foul language and outright nastiness I wrote this morning.
When I was born, an evil fairy cast a spell on me: before my 16th year, I would wage war with my Super-Ego.
With the help of some benevolent fairies and a barrel full of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, I have been able to keep my Anonymous Super-Ego at bay.
But recently I have been losing the war. My first defeat came back in June when my ASE broke through and berated me for my childish post.
This morning was a major loss. My superior and omniscient ASE ravaged me. So I must confess. Yes, I believed the silly chain letter and thought the best way out of our financial mess would be to give everyone $400,000.00. A "friend" didn't send it to me. A "friend" forwarded it to me. Who am I kidding? I have no friends. I found it on a website.
I believe all chain letters. I've given money to deposed kings throughout Africa. My ASE knows I want to be a reporter but I'm too damn lazy to do any research. I post whatever comes into my head. I slave and slave over every post but the best I can manage are posts not worthy of a 4th grade book report.
I'm a fraud. A sham. I'm an ignorant, cajones-challenged writer with a Napolean complex, who only wants people to agree with me 100% of the time.
I am a sad sad man.
Posted by Mark at 1:29 AM
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
I love that Sarah Palin is sticking to her guns, despite how ridiculous those guns may be.
Gov. Sarah Palin insisted in an interview to air Thursday evening her home state of Alaska's proximity to Russia does, in fact, constitute foreign policy experience.She's like Eugene Levy's character Dr. Allan Pearl in Waiting for Guffman.
People ask me, "Were you, were you, uh, you must've been the class clown." And I say, "No I wasn't. But I sat beside the class clown and I studied him and saw how he made people laugh.Sarah Palin has opened a whole new world for me. You now what's close to where I live? An OBGYN. So if you'll all excuse me, I have to perform some pap smears.
In celebration of the upcoming high holidays, I should say, "I have to perform some pap schmears.
God love the internets. I got this email from a friend of mine. If only...
I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a “We Deserve It Dividend.”
To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00 each.
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a “We Deserve It Dividend.”
Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved. Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads. Put away money for college – it’ll be there. Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs. Buy a new car – create jobs. Invest in the market – capital drives growth. Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves. Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else.
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 (“vote buy”) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.
If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U.S. Citizen 18+!
As for AIG – liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here’s my rationale: We deserve it, and AIG doesn’t.
Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.”
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion “We Deserve It Dividend” more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.
And remember, “The Birk” plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh... I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards,
T. J. Birkenmeier,
A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic
I'd like to give a little shout-out today to Rob K. Rob joins one other person as a reader of this blog. But that's not the reason I'm giving him the spotlight today.
What I admire about Rob is that when he leaves comments here, he has the balls to use his actual blogger profile. No hiding behind "anonymous" or some made up profile.
Not everyone will agree with what he has to say, he's a liberal after all, but he's up front about who he is and his views.
And if you do like what he has to say, visit his blog, The Luna Park Gazette.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
All of the helicopter activity this morning is because a car careened into the gate of PS 127 McKinley early this morning. No word yet on any injuries. I heard the driver hit 3 women, one of whom was pinned against the gate. I don't know if that's true but that's what I heard.
It's unmapped on Gothamist but here's what is says there:
Multiple Pedestrians Struck | 78th St & Fort Hamilton Pkwy Brooklyn, NY | 9/25/2008 8:31 a.m.If you have any info let me know. I know the Rover will have info soon.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sarah Palin is an IDIOT! A moron! She's half of a wit short of being a halfwit! She makes Katie look like Stephen Freakin' Hawking.
Americans are waiting to hear what John "Deregulation" McCain has to say about the economic problem? Really!?
And the mocking of Obama is sooooooo Alaskan soccer mom.
I'm going to go bite my pillow.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Last December I wondered aloud who you had to sleep with here to get a gourmet cheese shop. Well I don't know who slept with whom but cheese is coming to the Ridge! Hendricks Wines and Liquors, on the corner of 77th and 3rd, is opening a cheese shop next door to their liquor store. I'm told they'll have cheese, bread, crackers and an assortment of goodies. The store will probably open sometime in November.
Hendricks, meanwhile, is doing a renovation on their liquor store.
Oooo, I hope they do wine and cheese pairings.
Friday, September 19, 2008
I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight:
* If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you're 'exotic, different.'
* Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, a quintessential American story.
* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow , Trig and Track, you're a maverick.
* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.
* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 2 years in the United States Senate representing 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.
* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.
* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed 'First Dude', with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA , your family is extremely admirable.
OK, much clearer now.
This clip ends before he gets testy. I don't know if he did get testy. But what's amazing is McCain is STILL holding to the lie that Obama supported a bill in Illinois that would have taught kindergartners sex before reading. EVERYONE has called McCain on this lie yet he still holds to it.
What a scumbag.
Posted by Mark at 12:19 AM
Thursday, September 18, 2008
How bad is it when your welcome home rally gets less people than your anti-you rally?
Well, that's what happened to Sarah Palin last weekend. More people showed up at the Alaska Women Reject Palin rally than at her welcome home rally.
Seems not all women and not all Alaskans (her home freakin' state!) are jumping for joy for little miss inexperienced.
The rally was organized by a small group of women. They made flyers and sent notices to the local media. KBYR radio, home of uber-douchebag Eddie Burke, got one of the notices. So what did Eddie Burke do?
Turns out that Eddie Burke not only announced the rally, but called the people who planned to attend the rally "a bunch of socialist baby-killing maggots," and read the home phone numbers of the organizers aloud over the air, urging listeners to call and tell them what they thought. The women, of course, received many nasty, harassing and threatening messages.And you wonder why he's an uber-douchebag?
Mark it on your calendar: Friday, September 26th!
It's the grand opening of the Brooklyn Trader Joe's! Yeah, baby!
There will be live music by the JahPan Caribbean Steel Drum Band, free giveaways to the first 100 customers, raffle prizes, a variety of free samples and free stickers for the kids.
The long-awaited store, located in the former Independence Community Bank building in Cobble Hill, will celebrate the history of Brooklyn.
The store’s crew members worked together with the Brooklyn Historical Society and obtained reproductions of the borough’s key sites and incorporated these images into several handcrafted murals painted to look like the original photographs. The scenes selected include Coney Island, the Brooklyn Bridge, Ebbet’s Field and Downtown Brooklyn.Ooooo, I hope they deliver to The Ridge!
In addition, every sign, including the shelf tags and chalkboards have been hand-drawn to reflect the borough’s old town market scene using old fonts and lithograph techniques.
I saw this posted at Food City on 75th and 3rd.
If you need a scooter and are willing to trade a sail for it, call the number on the ad. No mention of what kind of sail he/she needs. Maybe a spanker.
A Bay Ridge woman was raped yesterday at her apartment building along Fort Hamilton Parkway around 8:40 a.m. The suspect was waiting in the basement of the building. When the woman entered the basement, the suspect stabbed her in the head with a screwdriver and raped her. The woman was rushed to the hospital, treated, and released.
Police have released a sketch of the suspect.
He was described as a white man in his 30's or 40's, approximately 5'8"-6'0" tall, 180 pounds, with brown hair and brown eyes.
Anyone with information in regards to this case is asked to call the NYPD's Crime Stoppers hotline at 1-800-577-tips (8477).
You can also text tips to 274637(crimes), then enter tip577. All information is kept strictly confidential.
UPDATE 9.19.08: More info is coming in about the rape in Bay Ridge. According to the NY Post, the rapist apologized to the victim, claiming he was going through hard times. He then asked for forgiveness and made the sign of the cross.
He thinks he's going through hard times now? Here's a news alert: harder times are coming for this guy.
UPDATE 9.20.08: Police have released a video of who they believe is the rapist. You can see the video here.
There is a $12,000.00 reward for information leading to the arrest.
Call 800 577-TIPS.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
45 days! 45 days until the NYC Marathon.
I won't be running in it but it could be the day I get engaged to Melissa Christian. The runner go right by our building so I'll have a sign professing my love plus a shrine to my yellow rose of Texas.
But will she be in the marathon? I don't know. Good god, I hope so. She recently won the Nike+ Human Race 10K in Austin in a time of 37 minutes and 35 seconds. Coincidently, that's the same amount of time needed for me to make love to Melissa 37 times.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Ray Palermo, over at the Bay Ridge Bethlehem Lutheran Church, asked me to post this notice about the Lutheran Elementary School Alumni.
So if you're an LES alum, put down that Book of Concord and contact them.
Lutheran Elementary School of Bay Ridge
Attention Lutheran Elementary School Alumni:
Send us your name, address, and email so we don’t lose touch.
Lutheran Elementary School, 440 Ovington Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11209, Attn: Alumni Office or...
LESAlumni@hotmail.com for news and information about your former classmates and teachers. (Hold the Date: Nov. 7 "Night at the Races”)
Thursday, September 11, 2008
If Teyve, from Fiddler on the Roof, married a hot flamenco dancer from Mongolia, and they had the reception at The Raven Saloon in Patan, Nepal (the bar where Karen Allen works in Raiders of the Lost Ark), and they wanted a rip-roaring band to bring the roof down, that band would be Kagero.
I went to Circles Canteena last night (a Mexican restaurant that inexplicably promotes Lentos Pizza) to see Kagero play as part of the Canteena's new Live Original Music every Wednesday night series. The band was tremendous, the margaritas were wonderful, and the owner, Pierre, couldn't have been more welcoming.
Kagero's music is hard to classify but who cares. With just an acoustic guitar, a violin, and an electric bass, Kagero creates a very full sound. But I'll tell you, I would love to hear them play with the Chieftains. That would be a rocking record.
As for Canteena's, I loved it. Pierre is so welcoming, he becomes an instant friend.
So hie thee to Circle's Canteena on 80th and 5th and check out Kagero. You won't be sorry.
You see, this is why the Rover is the Rover and I'm merely left in Bay Ridge: I stopped by the Starbucks on 85th several times last week with my daughter as we made our way to the playground. I asked when the would be closing and I was told "sometime in May."
The Rover stops by and he's told the real scoop: the end of this month.
Now that school is back, the Starbucks on 75th is overrun with school kids everyday after the final school bell. I can't wait to see what it'll be like once the 85th street Starbucks shutters.
And overheard at the Starbucks on 75th this morning:
"Once a priest lies to you, you're done."How very true.
(Photo courtesy: my breakfast table)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Time may not be on the side of the Committee to Save the Green Church, but if all goes well they'll soon have a time capsule.
According to my blind soothsayer source, a capsule is buried somewhere in or under the Methodist church. It contains an early history of the congregation and pictures of the original 1830 church, the second church on Stewart Avenue and the current-soon-to-be-pulverized church.
Reverend Emerick and the church's board of trustees had no idea it existed until just recently. Will they look extra hard for it? I hope so. I'm sure the congregation, the community, and local historic society's would all love to see what was buried so many years ago.
The church may not be able to be saved, but we have a chance to give life to the people who buried the time capsule. I've always felt that unearthing a time capsule gives immortality to the people who took the time to bury it.
UPDATE: The Brooklyn Paper has a more in depth article about the time caspule.
Everyone knows you never mention a no-hitter in the middle of a game, but back on March 31, I predicted that we'd see the Tampa Bay Rays in the post-season. The Phantom, a long-time baseball fan, poo-pooed my prediction.
Well, barring a collapse of epic proportions, Tampa will be in the post-season for the first time in franchise history.
Monday, September 8, 2008
The Japanese Gypsy Rock band Kagero is coming to the Ridge.
Japanese Gypsy Rock?
Think nomadic world rock. Can't imagine it?
Try urban-gypsyphonic, nomad shanty, kazrockistanian or Mongol rock.
Then come on down to Canteena at 80th and 5th Wed. night and check them out. I've been listening to them on their myspace page and they totally ROCK!! Singapore High and Shanghai Calls Me are amazing.
I hardly do anything after the sun goes down but I'm going to haul my lazy ass over to Canteena to check them out.
Here's the info:
Japanese Gypsy Rock in Bay Ridge!
Check out Kagero, an acoustic trio of gtr, violin, bass and vox, as they bring their own genre, Japanese Gypsy Rock, to Bay Ridge. Original music, for fans of Gogol Bordello, Arcade Fire, David Bowie and Radiohead.
" . . a melting pot you'll want to lick." - Stephanie Nolasco, The Deli Magazine
Kagero Live at Circle's Canteena
Sep 10, 2008 8:00 PM
8001 5th Ave (@ 80th St)
with special guest Laura Joy
NO COVER, GREAT FOOD, FUN TUNES!
New England quarterback, Tom Brady, is done for the season. He injured his knee in the first game of the season and his knee needs season-ending surgery.
With their star quarterback out, I suppose the Pats will have to resort to cheating.
Gov. Sarah Palin's church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.No word yet from Palin on whether she supports the fabulous Pray Away The Gay conference, but
early in her administration she supported a bill to overrule a court decision to block state benefits for gay partners of public employees.But I'm going to go out on a limb and say she's anti-gay union and anti-gay rights.
Couple that with the fact that she's anti-abortion, even in cases of rape and incest, and you have a pretty compelling candidate...if you're a heartless bastard.
Anti-abortion even in case of rape and incest!? Is she thinking at all of the victim?
McCain, what were you thinking?
When Palin took over Wasilla, the town had no long-term debt. By the time she was done, debt service had increased by 69 percent, the town had close to $19 million in long-term debt.So we're suppose to believe that Palin is fiscally conservative how? Seems like she has the same playbook W used when he took over the White House.
Seriously. Seriously. We're suppose to think McCain and Palin are good for America?
But in her two years as governor, Palin
Seriously, with such blatant lying, why is half of America still supporting McCain and Palin?
In the past, I haven't been too kind to Heather Mills (aka The Royal Hobble Whore). I've called her a One-Legged Gold-Digger and a Totter Tart because she seemed to me to be after Sir Paul's money.
Seems I may have been right.
Heather Mills former publicist Michele Elyzabeth has claimed that money was behind her client’s marriage to Sir Paul McCartney.
Mills, who eventually walked away from the marriage many millions of dollars richer, was "a calculating, pathological liar and the biggest bitch on the planet", according to Elyzabeth.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
It's been a while since I've had time to read any of the local blogs. Tonight I was looking at the Bay Ridge Journal and the sad pictures of the dismantling of the Green Church.
But what struck me was at the very bottom of the blog - a You Tube video of Joe Strummer singing Minstrel Boy. Joe was a very big influence in my life. I saw The Clash play at a skating rink in Philadelphia. The sound was horrible but the energy and excitement from the stage was astonishing.
Joe left us far too early. Here's to the Journal for having the video on the blog.
“When you blame yourself, you learn from it. If you blame someone else, you don't learn nothing, cause hey, it's not your fault, it's his fault, over there.” - Joe Strummer
Friday, September 5, 2008
Salespeople from US Energy Savings are going door-to-door here in the Ridge, trying to "lock" people into savings on their gas and electric bills. I did a quick google search for US Energy Savings and came up with this and this. It seems pretty scam-like so beware. If anyone hears differently let me know. I'm sure they decided to come out while the Ridge is teeming with National Grid trucks.
And remember, you can't spell US Energy Savings without "S.C.A.M."
Oh wait...turns out you can spell it without those letters. But you get the idea.