Tuesday, January 8, 2008

TAKE THAT, PARK SLOPE!!



If you've been a loyal reader of the Bay Ridge Blogs, most notably Righty and Rover, you know that there's been somewhat of a fracas about the merits of Park Slope versus Bay Ridge. The verbal donnybrook led to a throwdown -- a serving, if you will -- that Bay Ridge couldn't come up with a list of one let alone a list of one hundred. I have nothing against Park Slope. My father was born there so I have a fondness for the place. But now that I'm in Bay Ridge, I'm going to tote the company line. So I would now like to add my two cents.

First off, the Park Slope 100 includes Homeless people --
THE HOMELESS MEN OF OLD FIRST
Well if Park Slope can use Homeless people, we can use drunkards. Walk into any drinking establishment in Bay Ridge, say Skinflints, and -- boom! -- one hundred. No problem.

Secondly, the Park Slope 100 totally co-opted our tornado --
THE BROOKLYN TORNADO because on August 8th, 2007 you blew our socks off.
Um, hello, it was the Bay Ridge Tornado. It touched down right here in Bay Ridge. It's our tornado. If we know one thing here in The Ridge, it's destruction. And the tornado gave way to a wonderful game called "Tornado or Urban Blight?" Hours of fun.

What this is leading up to is the article, What a Safer City Looks Like, in the latest edition of New York Magazine. And here is where The Ridge really shines. The article maps out crime statistics for every neighborhood in the city from Jan. 1-Dec. 23, 2007. Here's the Park Slope/Bay Ridge comparison:
1. Murders - Park Slope: 1 Bay Ridge: 4.
Ha! Take that fancy Park Slope. And you all know we made a last minute effort to up that number.
2. Rapes - Park Slope: 7 Bay Ridge: 7.
Okay, so we tied.
3. Robberies - Park Slope: 165 Bay Ridge: 126.
Yeah yeah, so you're better at robberies. Lucky year.
4. Assaults - Park Slope: 83 Bay Ridge: 125.
In your face, Slopers!
5. Burglaries - Park Slope: 192 Bay Ridge: 300.
Snap! Oh man, we totally mopped you up in burglaries. 300! That's almost a burglary a day, not counting Sundays and the Feast of San Gennaro.

So take that, Park Slope. Stop dissing the Ridge until you can get your crime stats up to our level.

1 comment:

amelie b. said...

oh, i love it! anything to keep the slopers in the slope, and the ridge in real time. good one, mark, keep up the good work!