Friday, September 26, 2008


God love the internets. I got this email from a friend of mine. If only...

I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a “We Deserve It Dividend.”

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00 each.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a “We Deserve It Dividend.”

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved. Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads. Put away money for college – it’ll be there. Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs. Buy a new car – create jobs. Invest in the market – capital drives growth. Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves. Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else.

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 (“vote buy”) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U.S. Citizen 18+!

As for AIG – liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here’s my rationale: We deserve it, and AIG doesn’t.

Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.”

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion “We Deserve It Dividend” more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.

And remember, “The Birk” plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh... I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,
T. J. Birkenmeier,
A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic


Mr. Bonerpants said...

I'd buy a 400,000.00 whore.

Anonymous said...

I've taken it easy on your reporting as of late, but this I can not let go.

Don't go posting silly forwards that you receive from your "friend" without doing research.

$85 billion divided by 200 million people is not $425,000. Its $425.

Thats the problem with people today. They are just willing to believe anything that was printed and have no ability to verify or research the facts for themselves.


Mark said...

Perhaps if you had read the first line "God love the internets. I got this email from a friend of mine. If only..." you would have known I didn't believe it.

And I did get the email from a friend of mine. My friend forwarded it to me.

And I'm not a reporter. I'm a blogger. There's a big difference. If you don't like reading what I blog, then stop reading it.

You're obviously smarter than me and everyone else in the world. Why even read my blog?

Now fuck off.

Anonymous said...

"God love the internets. I got this email from a friend of mine. If only..."

So, just because you wrote that means that you don't believe what was written? No. What you wrote means "I wish the gov't was strong enough to be able to do this"

Yes, you are a blogger, but you are still a writer. So, just because you are a blogger, means you can just post incorrect items?

Thats a pretty ignorant comment. So, you are happy with posting wrong stuff? Wow, you have a low threshold for perfection.

If you must know, I read your blog because I care about Bay Ridge and sometimes you have interesting stuff about the place I was born and raised in. I can not keep my mouth shut when I find something blatently wrong.

Your "Now Fuck Off" comment tells me that you are not good at taking criticism. Lighten up. Writers/Bloogers/Reporters get criticized all the time. It comes with the territory. I guess you only want people reading your site who agree with you 100% of the time.

I guess you are more "LEFT" than we thought.


Grow some cajones.

Mark said...

You really are an idiot, aren't you? And a mind reader. No, I posted it because I thought it was funny. You don't know me so don't try and pretend that you're an expert on what I think.

I'm a blogger I can post anything I want. I can post about my love affair with a runner from Texas, I can post about events that happen anywhere in the world, and I can post chain letters. I can post true things and I can post false things. I can post whatever I want.

I take criticism every day of my life. I take criticism from newspapers and TV shows. So don't lecture me about taking criticism.

As for "Grow some cajones" why don't you stop hurling criticism from behind an anonymous wall and let everyone know your identity?

Or are you only superior in your own world?

Anonymous said...

You are terrible at math

Crazy Eddie Anton said...

I'd use all my 400,000 dollars to start the world's most extensive collection of Deloreans. Or, I'd use it to buy the world's smartest dog, then have him go out and get a job so I could have the first canine who went out and worked. I'd start him out easy, with something like a paper route. Problem is I'd have to teach him how to ride a bike. Can that be done? I don't see why not... maybe a tricycle of some kind can be rigged... it can be worked on I guess.

After that, I'd work him up to editor of a mens magazine or something, like FHM. Buy him little outfits. He'd probably already be on the morning show circuit by then. Of course that would mean he'd probably have a more complete life than me, and I would have been the one who trained him... which would be pretty pathetic. So I guess I'd kill myself. Exceeeeeeeept.... I'd be filled with so much jealousy, I'd frame the fucking dog. THEN, I would have the only dog who stood trial for murdering his master. BUT, the catch is I come back from beyond the grave to testify at his trial (hint: I was never really dead) but there's a very dramatic part where the dog testifies in his own defense, and I step in to testify to clear his name and ultimately drop all charges.