BUTT-CHUGGING

 Butt-Chugging!? Vodka soaked tampons!? Alcohol enemas?

What the hell is wrong with kids these days? In my day we got drunk the olde-fashioned way: sneaking into our parents' liquor cabinet and drinking the alcohol. We did not stick things up our other holes.

A student at the University of Tennessee nearly died from shoving too much boxed-wine - yes you read that correctly - boxed-wine up his poop chute. His blood alcohol content was well over .40, the point at which, you know, you can die.

Kids - stop sticking things up your south holes to get drunk. Drink your drinks like the rest of the world.

But I am a tad curious about how you play beer pong.

MY MORNING CABOODLE

I turned on the TV this morning to see what was happening in the world. First stop:

CNN

They were doing a story about a shooting in Kirkwood, MO, where s Charles Lee "Cookie" Thornton walked into a city council meeting and opened fire, killing 5 people and wounding 2 others. CNN was on the scene and a reporter was interviewing the gunman's brother. This was a big mistake. The reporter had to have known it was a big mistake. The brother was defending Cookie's actions. Um -- hello -- your brother just killed 5 people. Seems Cookie had been a problem for a while -

"He would make inappropriate noises, heehawing like a donkey. He would make derogatory comments towards the director of public works, the city attorney and the mayor. None of it seemed to make any sense as far as him trying to make a point, as far as why he was really there and what his major complaints were."

And to make matters worse, the brother was smirking!! The anchor, Tony Harris, (who looks a lot like Larry Wilmore from The Daily Show) put a halt to the interview.

I don't know much about law enforcement, but I think the police outta keep their eyes on the Thornton family.

So I click to:

MSNBC

They were doing a story about a shooting in Baton Rouge, LA, where a girl walked into a college classroom and killed 2 girls and then shot herself. And the NRA says we don't need gun laws.

Then I switched back to:

MSNBC

They were now doing a story about John McCain and they were interviewing George "Macaca" Allen!! You've got to be kidding me. Does this man have any credibility left?

So I turned off the TV and made my way to Starbucks.