GIVE 'EM HELL, HILL!

Hillary Clinton, on the ropes going into "Sorta-Super Tuesday" won 3 of 4 primaries, keeping her campaign alive to fight another day.

Sort of.

She may have won 3 primaries, but Oh Mama still leads in pledged delegates and Super Delegates 1451 - 1365. First one to 2025 wins a bucket of gobstoppers.

Oh Mama has won more states but Welcome Back Clinton has won the bigger states.

This has been a great election year so far, one that has seen record numbers of Democrats hauling their butts to the polls.

Up next this month: Wyoming and Mississippi.

Then in April: The big Pennsylvania Throwdown!

And in May, my favorite: The Rumble for Guam.

W IS FOR WANKER

I've never been a fan of President W. He's a failed businessman and the poster child for "Opposites Day." (Whatever he does, do the opposite and you'll be successful). Among his many failures, he was also the only MLB owner to vote against the Wild Card, which has been wildly popular. When he was elected President, I told my wife he was going to ruin the U.S.

So imagine my non-surprise when it was reported at a congressional hearing last week that the oh so popular war we're in will cost U.S. taxpayers $2 trillion.

The committee was told, among many disquieting things, that tax cuts have never been made during a major war. But that didn't stop Wrong Way Dubya. Oh no.

Nobel Prize-winning economist, Joseph Stiglitz, reported to the committee -

“Because the administration actually cut taxes as we went to war, when we were already running huge deficits, this war has, effectively, been entirely financed by deficits. The national debt has increased by some $2.5 trillion since the beginning of the war, and of this, almost $1 trillion is due directly to the war itself ... By 2017, we estimate that the national debt will have increased, just because of the war, by some $2 trillion.”

The cost of the war is appalling. The cost of American lives is unconscionable.

As Short-Fuse McCain all but wraps up the Republican nomination, I'm apprehensive of a potential President who says 100 years in Iraq is "fine with me."

IN THE DARK

It's another hot and humid day here in the Ridge. Just a typical March day -- if you lived in Florida. Oy with the weather. It's cold, it's hot, it's cold. No wonder everyone is sick.

But it could be worse. I could be living in Longyearbyen, Norway. Not that I have anything against Norway. It's a lovely country, what with their fjords, vikings, and existential angst. But Longyearbyen, population 2000 and the northern most town in the world, doesn't see the sun for 4 months! Four months of total darkness!!

Granted in the summer they get 4 months of nothing but sun 24/7, but four months of total darkness!? No thank you, sister. I'll take my gray and humid Ridge day.

I believe "Longyearbyen" in Norwegian means "mess with your mind."

I WANT YOUR SEX

While my good friend, the New York Brit, prattles on about how much the US sucks at health care, I'm more concerned about how much we suck at sex. According to the Durex Sexual Wellbeing survey, we are one of the most undersexed countries in the world.

How undersexed?

Second to last!

We're an embarrassment to the word "Yank."

Well I for one am not going to take this lying down. I will not let America be out-sexed by the rest of the world (except for Japan, poor bastards, they came in last). I'm proud to be an American, so from this day forward, too much sex is not enough for me. Who's behind me? Who wants to do it for the good of our country?

CANCER THE PHONE

If you missed the Green Church protest Saturday but have a hankering to do a little civil disobedience, this Thursday at 2:30, anti-cellphone tower protesters will be marching from P.S. 185 to the Verizon Wireless store on 86th and 5th, where a picket line will be set up outside the store. Cool.

The controversy is over the Verizon cellphone towers placed on an apartment building rooftop, less than 100 feet from P.S. 185. The towers were put up stealthily and without warning by Verizon.

Parents of children at P.S. 185 are furious. They want the towers taken down immediately.

Scientists are still debating the effects of the radiation put out by cellphone towers, however studies are showing that it's not good.

Seven clusters of cancer and other serious illnesses have been discovered around mobile phone masts, raising concerns over the technology’s potential impact on health.

So is Verizon going to do anything about it? Oh sure. They're going to move the antennas back 20 feet. Phew.

But we really don't have anything to worry about. According to Verizon spokesman David Samberg, the radiation emitted from the towers is harmless.

Well, that's that, I suppose. I mean, who are you going to believe? A bunch of scientists or the PR goon from the cellphone company?

REFUND FOR TRAVEL ABROAD

I saw this in Money magazine (seriously, page 20, March 2008 issue). If you traveled abroad between Feb. 1, 1996 and Nov. 8, 2006, and used VISA, Mastercard, or a Diners Club card, you are entitled to a refund because they failed to disclose foreign transaction fees of up to 3% per purchase.

The website is here. The deadline is May 30.

BAY RIDGE T-SHIRT

You can get it here.

SUCK-SESSFUL GREEN CHURCH RALLY

What would Jesus do?

He would use spell check.

I DROVE TO SI FOR NOTHING

Oh sure, NOW I read this.

A Staten Island bar scrapped a dwarf-tossing contest Tuesday after owners learned the stunt could get them in big trouble.

I drove all the way to Staten Island for nothing.

BARBARA SEAMAN PASSES AWAY

From the NY Times -

Barbara Seaman, a writer and patients’ rights advocate who was one of the first people to bring the issue of women’s reproductive health to wide public attention, died on Wednesday at her home in Manhattan. She was 72.

Seaman and sex?

Write your own joke here.

Rest in Peace, Barbara.



Photo courtesy Henry Grossman