WEEBLES WOBBLE

In the past, I haven't been too kind to Heather Mills (aka The Royal Hobble Whore). I've called her a One-Legged Gold-Digger and a Totter Tart because she seemed to me to be after Sir Paul's money.

Seems I may have been right.

Heather Mills former publicist Michele Elyzabeth has claimed that money was behind her client’s marriage to Sir Paul McCartney.

Mills, who eventually walked away from the marriage many millions of dollars richer, was "a calculating, pathological liar and the biggest bitch on the planet", according to Elyzabeth.

"I was foolish and saw her simply as the devoted humanitarian, charity campaigner and protective mother she wanted the world to see. Now I want the public to know who the real Heather Mills is."

So if she blows through her $50 million payout, I suppose the Weebles Wobble and They Do Fall Down could pawn one of her legs.

HOBBLE WHORES WOBBLE...

But they don't fall down.

Heather Mills wants more money. Evidently $50 million isn't enough for the greedy Hobble Whore and she's

"employing a team of forensic accountants to examine her former husband's finances."

She claims, and this is my favorite part, that

"she cannot look after Beatrice on $76,000 a year, the sum awarded at the High Court."

Hey HW, what about the $50 million!? You can't spend a little of the $50 million on your daughter!? What the hell are you doing with all of that money!? Buying solid gold legs?

As Judge Bennett said about the Royal Hobble Whore

"I find the wife’s behaviour distinctly distasteful."

NOT A LEG TO STAND ON

Heather Mills, the Royal Hobble Whore, has been ripped a new one by the High Court judge who presided over her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney. Here are some excerpts from Mr Justice Bennett's ruling:

• "I am driven to the conclusion that much of her evidence, both written and oral, was not just inconsistent and inaccurate but also less than candid. Overall she was a less than impressive witness."
• "I have to say I cannot accept the wife’s case that she was wealthy and independent by the time she met the husband in the middle of 1999. Her problem stems from the lack of any documentary evidence to support her case as to the level of her earnings."
  
• "I find that the wife’s case as to her wealth in 1999 to be wholly exaggerated."
• "I find the wife’s behaviour distinctly distasteful."
• "She is her own worst enemy. She has an explosive and volatile character.
  
• "Her evidence there that she had turned down huge amounts of work is quite inconsistent with her assertion that her earning capacity is zero."
• "If in the future she is circumspect about engaging with the media and/or adopts an emollient and less confrontational attitude to it, I think that the negative interest shown towards her will indeed subside."
• "In the absence of any sensible proposal by the wife as to her income needs I must do the best I can on the material I have. If the wife feels aggrieved about what I propose she only has herself to blame.
  

Ouch!

The Hobble Whore ended up getting $50 million. Their 4 year old daughter, Beatrice, will get roughly $55,000.00 each year until she's 18. Paul will also pay for her schooling and nannies.

So what was her reaction?

Miss Mills, 40, said the couple's daughter Beatrice, four, was now "meant to travel 'B' class while her father travels 'A' class".

WHAT!? You got $50 million and your daughter is going to travel B class!?

Miss Mills refused to comment on her feelings about her ex-husband because of Beatrice but added: "I can't say if Paul is cruel. For the sake of my daughter, I can't say that but my sister thinks he is. Fiona Mills, who stood by he sister throughout, said later: "I just think he didn't need to put her through this. I just think it is really sad. Why can't he look after the mother of his child?"

She got $50 million dollars!!!! If she can't live on $50 million she can give it to me.

But at least she handled herself with utmost respect in the courtroom. After hearing she was only getting $50 million, she poured a jug of water over the head of Sir Paul McCartney's lawyer Fiona Shackleton

Hey Hobble Whore, you know what you can do with your leg?

SIR PAUL PAYOUT

And speaking of whores, Heather Mills will receive nearly $50 million in her divorce settlement with Sir Paul McCartney.

The Hobble Whore says she's "so, so happy" with the outcome of her fight for a share of the pop legend's fortune. Um, yeah! Going from homeless to multi-millionaire doesn't suck.

WHAT A DAY IN COURT!

Today was a banner day for court drama fans. Bobby Cutts, the ex-police officer accused of killing his 9-month pregnant girlfriend, took the stand today, and in a complete change of plans, admitted to killing her.

But Cutts says it was an accident.

Yeah, right.

His testimony is so full of holes, only the Pope is holier. He didn't call 911 because he couldn't turn on his girlfriend's cellphone and he forgot his was in his truck. I'm surprise he didn't say he forgot the number. He got rid of the body because he didn't want his 2 year old son to see his mommy dead. He was all about protecting his son but then left him alone for how many days? After he dumped the body he washed his truck because there were a lot of bugs on it. Really!? It goes on and on. I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow.



Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney are in court this week, hammering out the financial details of their divorce.



Mills lost her leg in 1993 and evidently has lost her mind because she fired her lawyers and is representing herself. Nice move. Rumor is that Sir Paul offered her $50 million but the One-Legged Gold-Digger, who was accompanied by her make-up artist, wants twice that amount.

And now there's a claim that the gimpy ex-hooker had a six-month affair with the porn star name sounding Tim Steel while she was dating Sir Paul. And what an affair! Steel claims the Hobble Whore was

"insatiable, she demanded sex six times a night."

Steel also said the Totter tart

"went wild with pleasure when he massaged her amputated limb."

Eeeeewwwwwwww!!!