TANOREEN - TON O' ROOM

According to an article in New York Magazine, Tanoreen, my favorite Middle Eastern restaurant, will be moving to a space twice its current size.

Now I can supersize their amazing hummus!


Photo: Noah Kalina

SANTA SMACK DOWN

This town isn't big enough for two jolly men, so Santa, a known Shaolin Monk, took Frosty down. After I snapped the shot, I heard Santa exclaim, "Your eyes may be coal, but your ass is grass!"

GRAND OPENING

The new Starbucks on 85th and 3rd has finally opened. It's swanky. The four comfy chairs look very comfy. The couch is kind to the keister. Lovely soothing colors. And for fellow members of the laptop nation, it's a great place to work.

A high school student has just come out of the bathroom and reported that the bathrooms are magnificent. I'll check them out later. But I did come up with a million dollar idea for Starbucks: toilets that look like Starbucks coffee cups! How cool would that be? And the urinal possibilities are endless. But if you walk in and see a venti mocha in the cup, you might want to use a different toilet.

Flying Dude

It's another grey and gloomy day in The Ridge, but instead of going to Melisa Christian to cheer me up, I've decided to go to something that would make me poo my pants.

TRIAL OF EBENEZER SCROOGE

I stumbled upon this on youtube.com. It's a commercial for one of my shows.

YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP

Today America remembers Dec. 7, 1941 - "A day which will live in infamy"--or not. Right in Bay Ridge has a wonderful post about the day and "the cost of forgotten infamy".

For myself, this day also marks my own personal battleship being sunk -- today is my wedding anniversary. Five years ago, our families, friends, Elvis and two hot showgirls gathered in Las Vegas to celebrate the union between my wife and myself.


A sea of zebra and leopard skinned yarmulkes greeted us outside the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel. Inside, the aforementioned Elvis and hot showgirls, performed the ceremony, which included three songs from The King.

After the tearful ceremony, we were whisked back to our penthouse suite at the Bellagio for a champagne and cake reception. Then it was off to the quintessential Vegas show, Jubilee! The cheese factor is mighty high in Jubilee. It must be seen to be believed.

After a week in Vegas we boarded a plane and spent a week in Paris.

So today, please take time to remember what happened on this date in 1941, and then pause to reflect upon how on this date my bachelorhood and the ability to make my own decisions was sunk.

NUTCRACKER

Just in time for Melisa Christian lovers comes the perfect holiday gift -- The Melisa Christian Nutcracker.

This beautiful replica of Melisa is easy to use -- Just place your nuts in Melisa's palms, swivel her head, and she effortlessly crushes your nuts with her bare hands.

Her backside can also be used as a bottle opener.

It comes with a lifetime guarantee, so you can look forward to years and years of nut crushing fun with Melisa.

KNOCK KNOCK...HOUSEKEEPING

Right in Bay Ridge was the first to report that a Bay Ridge man was killed earlier today at the Gregory Hotel at 8315 4th Ave. Here's the latest from the Brooklyn Eagle -

Police are conducting a homicide investigation into the death of a Bay Ridge man found stabbed Monday afternoon in the Best Western Gregory Hotel at 8315 Fourth Ave. in Bay Ridge.
Police said 26-year-old David Diaz was stabbed in the back with blunt trauma wounds to his head.

Diaz was found around 12:20 p.m. by a maid working for the hotel. Squad cars arrived on the scene shortly thereafter. Police said they are investigating why Diaz, who lived blocks away from the hotel, on Fifth Avenue near 76th Street, had been staying in the hotel. Police had not made any arrests by press time.

My parents stayed here over Thanksgiving and it seemed like a lovely place, but then I looked at the fine print:

Hotel Amenities:
Complimentary continental breakfast
Meeting facilities available
Internet Lounge
Multilingual staff (English, Russian, Italian, French, Greek, Portuguese, Spanish)
Complimentary newspaper
Valet laundry
Secured valet parking available, $11.00 to $20.00 nightly
Catering
Conference services
Fax services
Photocopy services
High-speed Internet access
Interior corridor
Occasional Murder

SNOWY DAY

This winter will be the first time in 14 years that I'll spend an entire winter in a place where it snows and gets cold. So seeing the snow in The Ridge this morning took me back to my childhood when my mom would make me put plastic bread bags on my feet before I put on my boots.

I was happy to ditch the bags for my LL Bean insulated boots. I'm such a winter wuss.

ADVENT CALENDAR

Now that December is here I wish I had a Melisa Christian advent calendar. But until I come up with one, I'd like to kick off the Christmas month with a little Merry Melisa Christian.