A RACING HEART

My daughter and I, donuts in hand, stood at the 5k mark of the NYC Marathon yesterday and cheered the runners on.

We high-fived runners and yelled for what seemed like the entire population of both France and Italy.

But the most mesmerising moment came 18 minutes into the race. That's when she appeared. I could see her in the distance, her tight, taught and toned body gliding effortlessly towards me. My heart raced. Suddenly she was upon me. The sight of the muscles in her legs, the muscles that could crush my skull in a second, made my knees go weak. Her face, free of any make-up, shone like fresh summer's day.

My daughter in one hand, my camera in the other, my donut stuffed into my mouth. I nearly panicked. I spit out my cruller and yelled, "Melisa!" The very sound of her name like angels singing.

She looked my way. Her eyes glistened. She smiled. Her smile pierced my heart. And then she mouthed, "I love you, always!"

At least that's what I think she said. It could have been, "I'll have you arrested." But I'm not sure. Either way, my future wife and I locked eyes, locked hearts. Our souls fused and shot out through eternity.

I shot picture after picture, unable to aim. But I captured more than a few ill-aimed pictures yesterday. I captured her heart.

MARATHON RESTRAINT

The NYC Marathon is just around the corner and I wanted to know if anyone out there's knows if Melisa Christian will be running.

If she is, I'll have to keep 200 feet from the marathon route.


Photo courtesy: Allison Smith

MARATHON COUNTDOWN

45 days! 45 days until the NYC Marathon.

I won't be running in it but it could be the day I get engaged to Melissa Christian. The runner go right by our building so I'll have a sign professing my love plus a shrine to my yellow rose of Texas.

But will she be in the marathon? I don't know. Good god, I hope so. She recently won the Nike+ Human Race 10K in Austin in a time of 37 minutes and 35 seconds. Coincidently, that's the same amount of time needed for me to make love to Melissa 37 times.

GOLD IN MY HEART

Melisa Christian came in 27th place today at the Women's Olympic Marathon Trials. My future squeeze ran a personal best of 2:41:18 (that's a 6:09 mile, faster than my high BMI challenged body can go).

Her 27th place finish isn't good enough to get her to Beijing this summer, but anything she does is good enough for a gold medal in my heart.

Well done, Melisa. Congratulations.

Next up, conjugal visits while I'm in the pokey on stalking charges.

MY FRIDAY CABOODLE

Warren Spector, ex-co-President of Bear Stearns, told my wife last fall this was going to happen. And so it has come to be. Wall St. Braces For Thousands Of Pink Slips





Thank god Kristy Lee Cook has finally been voted off American Idol. But in an effort to cling to her 15 minutes, Kristy announced she just got engaged to Andrew Dobner. Kristy didn't mind getting the boot the other night.

"I’ve made it past top 10 which was my goal and I’m going home to go ride my horse now," she said.

"Horse" is her nickname for Dobner.






There's an article in the Dallas Morning News about Melisa Christian, my hot lass from Dallas. The article states that Melisa

"won't stop at anything until she reaches her goal."

And I'm the same way. I won't stop until she's my sugar cream pie or until she files a restraining order.

Melisa isn't expected to make the Olympic team but I'm praying for a miracle. So don't bother me on Sunday. My eyes will be glued to Melisa.

LESS THAN A WEEK

It's less than a week before the Women's Marathon Trials. Melisa Christian is going to have to pull the race of her lifetime out of her tremendously taut butt to overcome Deena Kastor. But I have faith in My Sweet Melisa.

For those of you who want watch my sugar shack go wire to wire, you can watch it here.

RUNNING INTO MY ARMS

It's been a while since I've talked about Melisa Christian, my future coitus mate from the Lone Star State. It's less than a month until the 2008 U.S. Olympic Team Trials in Boston. And what has my girl been up to?

Well last month she placed 2nd overall in the Luke's Locker BGO 12 Miler. Melisa hoofed the 12 miles in 01:10:29. That's 5:52 a mile. She's going to have to do better than that to make the U.S. team, but my guess is she was using the race as a training run.

Perhaps if she visualizes running into my arms she'll break the world record.

LOVE IS A LOSING GAME

And then my runner up girlfriend to Melisa Christian came out and sang Love is a Losing Game. But what the hell with the shoutout to her incarcerated hubby? Her no-good-oooo-I-love-drugs-so-much-I'll-sell-pics-of-my-wife-for-heroin hubby?

Probably just a ruse to throw everyone off the scent of her new found love for me.

TEARS DRY ON THEIR OWN

I have not lost my jail-time obsession with Melisa Christian. Oh no. But lately I have had an infatuation with Amy Winehouse. What an amazing talent. It looks like she might be on the mend. I sure hope so. I love listening to her. I'm kicking myself for not seeing her at Joe's Pub last year. The wife could have gotten us in for free, but noooo, we had to pass.

A LITTLE SUGAR

I was feeling a little blue today. My wife threw out my entire spoon collection. So imagine my joy when my New York Road Runner's magazine arrived and there on page 38 -- Sweet sweet Melisa Christian.

Melisa, Valentine's Day is only a few days away.

PRESIDENTIAL POLL RESULTS

The results are in and nearly 70% of Left in Bay Ridge readers think it's time to tell your mama that it's gonna be Obama in the White House.

There was a 3 way tie for 2nd place, all with 10% of the vote: Short Fuse McCain, Mitt is da Sh*@, and in a surprising show - Melisa Christian, I Love You.

And garnering no votes was Welcome Back, Clintons. Hmm...curious.

But Melisa, let me tell you, from the bottom off my heart, you are so much better than McCain and Mitt.

THIRDSIES OF TESTY TOAST

Ok, so it seems Jeff - The Angry Toast Guy - doesn't sell the angry toast wear. He's just a lover of angry toast. I love Melisa Christian. He loves toast. That's what makes it a ballgame. He also sent a link to more angry toast designs, for all you angry toast lovers.

MELISA CHRISTIAN COUNTDOWN CLOCK

It's been a few days since I've talked about Melisa Christian, my future bedmate from the Lone Star State. The countdown to the Olympic Trials in Boston has begun and to celebrate I have added a Melisa Christian Countdown Clock at the bottom of the page. My heart beats for Melisa like the ticking of the clock -- strong and steady.

Photo: Victah Sailer

NEW YEAR - NEW LOOK

2008 is nearly here and I've managed to have only 2 year-end anxiety attacks. Kudos for me.

I'm ringing in the new year with a new look for my blog. Hopefully it's less crammed and more readable. Let me know what you think.

I'd like to wish everyone who stops by here a wonderful and prosperous new year, especially my Ridge blogger comrades Righty, Rover, and Bloggy.

And of course, a special new year's wish to my monomaniacal love, Melisa Christian.

Happy New Year everyone!

NEW POLL RESULTS

The results are in and a whopping 54% are here for Melisa Christian. 27% love the Newsreel while 18% think it clutters up the site. The votes for Melisa are a tad suspect as I've heard whispers there was shameless ballot stuffing in LA. I shall resist writing anything crude about "ballot stuffing" nor will I write "insert joke here" and I will certainly resist writing "insert joke here about 'insert joke.'" I shall not sully my love for Melisa by shoving in some old limp rib.

DEAR SANTA

Santa, I know this is sort of last minute and all and you're pretty busy at this moment what with delivering all those gifts but if you have the time, what I would really really like for Christmas, the only thing I want -- besides an official Red Rider carbine action 200 shot range model air rifle -- is Melisa Christian. Santa, if that is impossible -- and I really really hope it isn't -- could I please switch places with you when you visit her house so I can come down her chimney?

NEW RESTAURANT?

There seems to be a new restaurant or some such food place at 79th and 3rd. I'm going to run by there later to check it out.

I don't have a picture of it yet so instead I'll post a gratuitous pic of my future ex-wife, Melisa Christian.

STARBUCKS VS DUNKIN' DONUTS

Joe (possibly not his real name, possibly a Melisa Christian fan) sent me an email with a link to an article about the Starbucks and coffee wars in Brooklyn.

Now you know I love Starbucks and I love independently owned places, but I find it interesting that no one gets upset about Dunkin' Donuts. Is it because DD doesn't seem like a neighborhood bully? Or is it because DD's donuts are too fabulous to complain about? There's a relatively new one (a 24 hour one, mind you) on 4th Ave around 87th street. I haven't been there yet but my BMI needs a jolt.

NUTCRACKER

Just in time for Melisa Christian lovers comes the perfect holiday gift -- The Melisa Christian Nutcracker.

This beautiful replica of Melisa is easy to use -- Just place your nuts in Melisa's palms, swivel her head, and she effortlessly crushes your nuts with her bare hands.

Her backside can also be used as a bottle opener.

It comes with a lifetime guarantee, so you can look forward to years and years of nut crushing fun with Melisa.

ADVENT CALENDAR

Now that December is here I wish I had a Melisa Christian advent calendar. But until I come up with one, I'd like to kick off the Christmas month with a little Merry Melisa Christian.