MARATHON RESTRAINT

The NYC Marathon is just around the corner and I wanted to know if anyone out there's knows if Melisa Christian will be running.

If she is, I'll have to keep 200 feet from the marathon route.


Photo courtesy: Allison Smith

MARATHON COUNTDOWN

45 days! 45 days until the NYC Marathon.

I won't be running in it but it could be the day I get engaged to Melissa Christian. The runner go right by our building so I'll have a sign professing my love plus a shrine to my yellow rose of Texas.

But will she be in the marathon? I don't know. Good god, I hope so. She recently won the Nike+ Human Race 10K in Austin in a time of 37 minutes and 35 seconds. Coincidently, that's the same amount of time needed for me to make love to Melissa 37 times.

MELISA CHRISTIAN COUNTDOWN CLOCK

It's been a few days since I've talked about Melisa Christian, my future bedmate from the Lone Star State. The countdown to the Olympic Trials in Boston has begun and to celebrate I have added a Melisa Christian Countdown Clock at the bottom of the page. My heart beats for Melisa like the ticking of the clock -- strong and steady.

Photo: Victah Sailer

WEDDING BELLS

I've recently learned that my future true love, Melisa Christian, may be married. I haven't confirmed this yet but back when she was 23, and at the height of her bodybuilding career, she had a fiance.

My guess is he was also a bodybuilder. They tend to attract each other and for good reason. They bulk up so much that they create a gravitational pull and they have to be together. They have no choice.

But I don't know if she married him or if she did, whether she's still married to him. My guess is she's not because since she has become a toneless porker, I think she's been able to break free of his gravitational pull.

And also because she's now a runner. She's either running away from him and her bodybuilding past, or running towards me and a life of obsessiveness, subpoenas and wedded bliss.

FLAB CITY

It's a cold, wet, grey morning here in The Ridge. I need a little Melisa Christian to cheer me up.

I discovered over the weekend (not to my surprise) that Melisa used to be a body builder. Back when she was in her early 20's she sculpted her body into a killing machine. (I actually don't think she killed any one with her body but she could have) Now, I like women who are toned, tan, and slathered with oil, but this is a bit too much for me.







Thankfully, Melisa discovered the magic elixir -- Dunkin' Donuts. I mean, how else do you explain her body going all Flab City on us? I've known the benefits of Dunkin' Donuts for years and in fact, Dunkin' Donuts is a corporate sponsor of my high BMI. High is good, right?

I think Melisa looks so much better now. Keep up the good work, Melisa. And thank you, Dunkin' Donuts.



Photo By Victah Sailer

HUMP DAY

It's Hump Day in the Ridge. Cloudy, overcast, dreary. So what better way to fritter away life than to take another step towards "stalker" status.

Melisa Christian - Dentist, Olympic Marathon Trial Qualifier, Future Wife and/or Filer of Restraining Order. There's an interview with Melisa in Runner's World, as if writer Peter Gambaccini thinks he can cozy up to her without me noticing. I also noticed that one question and answer was deleted from his published interview. Here is the deleted Q&A:

What was the one thing that stuck out in your mind about the NYC Marathon?
MC: At mile 3 there was a man in the crowd. Handsome, cute, magnetic -- a half eaten donut in his mouth. I tried to yell out my phone number but I was also hydrating -- that's not a euphemism. I'm hoping to somehow find him. It sounds corny, I know, but I felt a real connection with him. Maybe we could meet at the top of the Empire State Building. Just like Sleepless in Seattle or An Affair to Remember, which Sleepless totally ripped off. Anyway, Handsome Mystery Man, if you read this please contact me!

MY FUTURE EX-WIFE

The NYC Marathon went right in front of our building. This is the second year in a row that I didn't get chosen in the marathon lottery. One more rejection and I automatically get in the following year. Too bad it doesn't work that way with women.

And what more incentive than Dr. Melisa Christian. She's a dentist, I have teeth. She's fit as a fiddle, I like musical instruments. She's a woman, I'm a man. What more could you ask for?

Yeah sure the other elite women runners are in great shape, but this woman could snap my neck with her thighs and I wouldn't complain.