MELISA CHRISTIAN COUNTDOWN CLOCK

It's been a few days since I've talked about Melisa Christian, my future bedmate from the Lone Star State. The countdown to the Olympic Trials in Boston has begun and to celebrate I have added a Melisa Christian Countdown Clock at the bottom of the page. My heart beats for Melisa like the ticking of the clock -- strong and steady.

Photo: Victah Sailer

WEDDING BELLS

I've recently learned that my future true love, Melisa Christian, may be married. I haven't confirmed this yet but back when she was 23, and at the height of her bodybuilding career, she had a fiance.

My guess is he was also a bodybuilder. They tend to attract each other and for good reason. They bulk up so much that they create a gravitational pull and they have to be together. They have no choice.

But I don't know if she married him or if she did, whether she's still married to him. My guess is she's not because since she has become a toneless porker, I think she's been able to break free of his gravitational pull.

And also because she's now a runner. She's either running away from him and her bodybuilding past, or running towards me and a life of obsessiveness, subpoenas and wedded bliss.

TURKEY TROT

Melisa Christian, my "inamorata from South Corsicana," won the 40th Annual Dallas Turkey Trot on Nov. 22.

She ran the 8 miler in 45:58.05 -- precisely the same time it takes me to eat 270 Dunkin' Donuts.


Photo - Will Baccich

FLAB CITY

It's a cold, wet, grey morning here in The Ridge. I need a little Melisa Christian to cheer me up.

I discovered over the weekend (not to my surprise) that Melisa used to be a body builder. Back when she was in her early 20's she sculpted her body into a killing machine. (I actually don't think she killed any one with her body but she could have) Now, I like women who are toned, tan, and slathered with oil, but this is a bit too much for me.







Thankfully, Melisa discovered the magic elixir -- Dunkin' Donuts. I mean, how else do you explain her body going all Flab City on us? I've known the benefits of Dunkin' Donuts for years and in fact, Dunkin' Donuts is a corporate sponsor of my high BMI. High is good, right?

I think Melisa looks so much better now. Keep up the good work, Melisa. And thank you, Dunkin' Donuts.



Photo By Victah Sailer

MY FUTURE EX-WIFE

The NYC Marathon went right in front of our building. This is the second year in a row that I didn't get chosen in the marathon lottery. One more rejection and I automatically get in the following year. Too bad it doesn't work that way with women.

And what more incentive than Dr. Melisa Christian. She's a dentist, I have teeth. She's fit as a fiddle, I like musical instruments. She's a woman, I'm a man. What more could you ask for?

Yeah sure the other elite women runners are in great shape, but this woman could snap my neck with her thighs and I wouldn't complain.