STAMP COLLECTING

President Wanker continues his quest to ruin every single business he runs as news comes out today that the number of Americans using food stamps will reach an all-time high this year.

Nearly 1 in 10 Americans will rely on food stamps to buy basic food stuffs. In Michigan it is currently 1 in 8.

How little must you make to qualify? Basically recipients must have few assets and incomes below 130 percent of the poverty line, or less than $27,560 for a family of four.

Keep up the good work, Wanker. And remember, last one down flushes.

FIRST PITCH

President Wanker threw out the first pitch last night to a chorus of boos. My good friend, The UK Whinger, (He got tired of me calling him a prattler) has posted said first pitch.

PLAY BALL!!

It's Opening Day, baby! And I love that we don't even need to mention which sport. Despite all the other professional sports played in this country and all the other opening days, there is only one Opening Day.

My wife is a die-hard Yankees fan. I grew up with the Mets. Our dog is named after Ebbets Field. Needless to say we'll be following the Yanks, Mets and Dodgers.

But I'll tell you, I won't be surprised to see Tampa Bay or Detroit in October.

EARTH HOUR

What do all of these cities have in common?

* Asbury Park, United States
* Atlanta, United States
* Bangkok, Thailand
* Chicago, United States
* Christchurch, New Zealand
* Copenhagen, Denmark
* Dubai, UAE
* Dublin, Ireland
* Honolulu, United States
* Lautoka, Fiji
* London, UK
* Manila, Philippines
* Melbourne, Australia
* Montreal, Canada
* Odense, Denmark
* Ottawa, Canada
* Phoenix, United States
* San Francisco, United States
* Singapore, Singapore
* Sydney, Australia
* Tel Aviv, Israel
* Toronto, Canada
* Vancouver, Canada

Well, besides all being in this post, all of these cities are participating in Earth Hour -- and this is just a sampling of the cities.

What is Earth Hour? I'll let their website answer that question.

It started with a question: How can we inspire people to take action on climate change?

The answer: Ask the people of Sydney to turn off their lights for one hour.

On 31 March 2007, 2.2 million people and 2100 Sydney businesses turned off their lights for one hour - Earth Hour. If the greenhouse reduction achieved in the Sydney CBD during Earth Hour was sustained for a year, it would be equivalent to taking 48,616 cars off the road for a year.

With Sydney icons like the Harbour Bridge and Opera House turning their lights off, and unique events such as weddings by candlelight, the world took notice. Inspired by the collective effort of millions of Sydneysiders, many major global cities are joining Earth Hour in 2008, turning a symbolic event into a global movement.

So tonight, turn off all non-essential electrical appliances and lights. I'm sure you'll be able to find something to do in the dark.

TOP TEN

I love looking at the Top Searches on Yahoo. What are we interested in today?

Today's Top Searches

1. Eva Longoria - yeah, okay, hot.
   
2. Heather Locklear - Fake suicide call and her kid was with Sambora when he got his DUI
   
3. Robin Williams - oooo, divorce. Steamy details?
   
4. X-Files Sequel - Sci-Fi fans are beside themselves.
   
5. Best Dance Crew - Randy Jackson's hit MTV show.
   
6. Celebrity Apprentice - The evil Piers Morgan won
   
7. Superhero Movie - See #4
   
8. Tax Forms - File soon so you can get your Government handout
   
9. World Horror Convention - See #4 again
   
10. Dementia - WHAT!? What is this doing in the top ten? I forget why I searched it.
    

HOBBLE WHORES WOBBLE...

But they don't fall down.

Heather Mills wants more money. Evidently $50 million isn't enough for the greedy Hobble Whore and she's

"employing a team of forensic accountants to examine her former husband's finances."

She claims, and this is my favorite part, that

"she cannot look after Beatrice on $76,000 a year, the sum awarded at the High Court."

Hey HW, what about the $50 million!? You can't spend a little of the $50 million on your daughter!? What the hell are you doing with all of that money!? Buying solid gold legs?

As Judge Bennett said about the Royal Hobble Whore

"I find the wife’s behaviour distinctly distasteful."

CAPTION CONTEST

BILLY JEAN

Okay, first things first - I watch American Idol. I admit it. My wife and I started watching it a couple of seasons ago and got hooked.

Anyhoo, in last night's show, David "what up with that comb over" Cook sang a killer version of Billy Jean. A tremendous arrangement. My wife and I showered him with kudos from our comfy couch.

Then today I find out the version Cook sang was the Chris Cornell version. Chris Cornell of Soundgarden and Audioslave fame.

David sang it extremely well but you need to hear Chris's version. It rocks.



And don't you think Apple could come up with a better looking link than that?

IT'S RAINING JOHN MCCAIN

Joshing Politics is one of my favorite blogs. Josh Silverstein is a very funny and smart guy. He posted this hilarious video and it's definitely a contender for "15 Minutes of Internet Fame."

And I love that in Josh's labels, he categorizes it as WTF?

RUNNING INTO MY ARMS

It's been a while since I've talked about Melisa Christian, my future coitus mate from the Lone Star State. It's less than a month until the 2008 U.S. Olympic Team Trials in Boston. And what has my girl been up to?

Well last month she placed 2nd overall in the Luke's Locker BGO 12 Miler. Melisa hoofed the 12 miles in 01:10:29. That's 5:52 a mile. She's going to have to do better than that to make the U.S. team, but my guess is she was using the race as a training run.

Perhaps if she visualizes running into my arms she'll break the world record.

SHOULD IT STAY OR SHOULD IT GO?

I came to the Green Church Should It Stay or Should It Go Ball late and may have to leave before the dance is over.

I knew both the Preservationists and Rev. Emerick and the Congregation weren't getting along but I had no idea how bad it was.

I posted a great article (heavily slanted towards the Preservationists and condemning Rev. Emerick and the congregation) by Shavana Abruzzo about the fate of the Methodist Church and an equally great comment (equally as heavy condemning the Preservationists) from an anonymous writer.

The inevitable destruction of the church is sad to me. I think it's a beautiful work of architecture and would love to see it stand for another 108 years. (And God knows I'd like to be standing for another 108 years).

But what's sadder is how the fate of the church has become a divisive issue in my new community (we've lived here for a year). The two sides show no signs of being able to come together and talk about the issues at stake. (It also saddens me that there are two sides and not one community dealing with the issues).

And really, can you blame either side? Both have hurled insults at the other while firmly believing they are in the right.

But what is right for the community?

Maybe tearing it down is ultimately better for the community. The church could use the money to continue its outreach programs. (Maybe it's because I'm new here, but I haven't heard anything about what the church does for the community. And I mean details.)

Maybe preserving the church is the right decision. It could be turned into a community center or housing for senior citizens while the church earns revenue. (But I have yet to hear the real details on the offer Councilman Vincent Gentile and Con Ed made to this end)

Sadly I don't think we'll ever know what would be best for Bay Ridge since the community has been unable to come together on this hotly and fiercely debated topic. Both sides can blame the other for not coming together, but in the end we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Whatever the eventual fate of the church will be, hopefully we'll all learn from this Clash and not let a community be divided in the future.

A BUNCH OF CODSWALLOP

Shavana Abruzzo has written a brilliant article about the fate of the Green Church. From the start she doesn't mince words

Any borough that would rid itself of a beautiful, 108-year-old church, on the premise that it is somehow beyond repair, is a short-sighted one, unmindful of its historical importance and deserves to OD on over-development for gluttony’s sake – plus be renamed ‘Dorian Gray.’

And anyone who uses the word "codswallop" is a bobby-dazzler in my book.

One cannot traverse a mile in the United Kingdom without happening upon a centuries-old structure...For the congregation of United Methodist to prematurely doom its church to the dogs is a bunch of codswallop.

SAVE THE GREEN CHURCH VIDEO

Here's a great video by Bay Rizz about the effort to save the Green Church.

FOX VS NYT

So here's something I found interesting. These two snapshots of my desktop were taken within seconds of each other.

One is the front page of FOXNEWS.com. FOX news is known throughout the world or liberals as Faux News or Fixed News and is the embodiment of the evil Bush empire.


The other is the front page of NYT.com. The New York Times is known throughout the conservative world as the liberal media and is the embodiment of all things godless.




The lead story of the NYT is about the deadly attack today in Iraq, the largest attack in months.

No where on the FOX page is there any mention of the attack.

Interesting.

HAPPY EASTER

LAND OF CORNFLAKES

An Illinois-shaped cornflake sold for $1350.00 on ebay.

And they say consumer confidence is down.

I'M A GENIUS, TOO

For some reason I was searching the internet for Mike Love's drunken speech when the Beach Boys were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and I stumbled upon this video.

Here's a description of the audio from another, yet not as good, video with the same audio.

The year is 1965. The Beach Boys are in the recording studio doing the vocal tracks for "Help Me Rhonda." The boys have slowly been squeezing father Murry out of the scene as producer of their records, instead relying on the pure genius of brother Brian Wilson. Murry's ego is bruised. So he shows up to the session drunk. On the talk-back mic he slurs his words as he vainly tries to give the group guidance. He yells into the headphone monitor system pissing Brian off because Brian only has one good ear. He is deaf in the other after Murry struck him in the head with a board when Brian was very young. You will witness the severe dysfunction that eventually helped push Brian over the edge into a total nervous breakdown.

WINO STARKERS

To help raise awareness of breast cancer among young women, Amy Winehouse has posed starkers in the British magazine Easy Living.

As you can see, a guitar hides her private affairs and duct tape covers her raspberry ripples.

Yeah, baby!

GREEN CHURCH RALLY

The Committee to Save the Bay Ridge United Methodist Church will have yet another rally on Saturday March 29th at 11:00am.

Frankly I think instead of banging pans in front of the Green Church, they should be rallying in front of Bloomberg's office or in front of the Landmarks and Preservation Commission's office. It's fine and dandy to "honk if you want to save the Green church" but bringing attention and media to the mayor's office, or the LPC's office, or the borough President's office might be better for the cause.

5TH YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Today marks the 5th anniversary of Operation Iraqi Freedom. What do you get someone for a 5th anniversary? Paper? Silver? I think it's Body Armor.

Operation Iraqi Freedom.

What ever happened to Operation Get The Guys Who Attacked Us On 9/11? What ever happened to that Operation?

No, instead we celebrate a misguided, mishandled, and miscalculated war against Iraq.

There are some who will say (like the person who commented on The Phantom's blog but then removed it) "Yes, it's so disastrous not being attacked by madmen in jet airliners anymore."

Um...Iraq didn't attack us on 9/11. That little nugget of truth has been proven true time and time again, most recently by a Pentagon Study

Exhaustive review finds no link between Saddam, al Qaida.

That little 600,000 document study came out while Spitzer's strumpet was going down on him. So let me repeat it

Exhaustive review finds no link between Saddam, al Qaida

I'm not suggesting Saddam was a good guy. Far from it. But let's go after the guy who attacked us.

As we surpass the length of time the U.S. was involved in WWII and approach nearly a third of the time we were in Vietnam, I'd like to take a moment to reflect on

• the nearly 4,000 American men and women who gave their lives for this war.
  
• the 175 UK men and women who gave their lives for this war.
• the 133 other men and women of the Coalition who gave their lives for this war.
• the nearly 90,000 innocent Iraqis who were killed in this war.
• the more than two million Iraqis who have fled abroad because of this war
• the 1.5 million Iraqis who have sought safety elsewhere in Iraq because of this war.
  

Let's hope today is the last anniversary of this war.

VOTE FOR ME

That does it. I'm running for Governor of NY State. Why? Because Governors of NY get more action in the bed than anyone I know.

First Spitzer and his Girls Gone Wild Ho, and then the new Governor, David Paterson

acknowledged yesterday that he has had affairs with "a number of women" in the past.

A number of women!? And he hasn't even been in office more than 48 hours!!

And in a move to challenge the McSkeevey's from NJ, Paterson's wife revealed she also has had affairs.

I had no takers and no action in bed when I offered to help our country's undersexed ranking. So, Albany, here I come!

NOT A LEG TO STAND ON

Heather Mills, the Royal Hobble Whore, has been ripped a new one by the High Court judge who presided over her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney. Here are some excerpts from Mr Justice Bennett's ruling:

• "I am driven to the conclusion that much of her evidence, both written and oral, was not just inconsistent and inaccurate but also less than candid. Overall she was a less than impressive witness."
• "I have to say I cannot accept the wife’s case that she was wealthy and independent by the time she met the husband in the middle of 1999. Her problem stems from the lack of any documentary evidence to support her case as to the level of her earnings."
  
• "I find that the wife’s case as to her wealth in 1999 to be wholly exaggerated."
• "I find the wife’s behaviour distinctly distasteful."
• "She is her own worst enemy. She has an explosive and volatile character.
  
• "Her evidence there that she had turned down huge amounts of work is quite inconsistent with her assertion that her earning capacity is zero."
• "If in the future she is circumspect about engaging with the media and/or adopts an emollient and less confrontational attitude to it, I think that the negative interest shown towards her will indeed subside."
• "In the absence of any sensible proposal by the wife as to her income needs I must do the best I can on the material I have. If the wife feels aggrieved about what I propose she only has herself to blame.
  

Ouch!

The Hobble Whore ended up getting $50 million. Their 4 year old daughter, Beatrice, will get roughly $55,000.00 each year until she's 18. Paul will also pay for her schooling and nannies.

So what was her reaction?

Miss Mills, 40, said the couple's daughter Beatrice, four, was now "meant to travel 'B' class while her father travels 'A' class".

WHAT!? You got $50 million and your daughter is going to travel B class!?

Miss Mills refused to comment on her feelings about her ex-husband because of Beatrice but added: "I can't say if Paul is cruel. For the sake of my daughter, I can't say that but my sister thinks he is. Fiona Mills, who stood by he sister throughout, said later: "I just think he didn't need to put her through this. I just think it is really sad. Why can't he look after the mother of his child?"

She got $50 million dollars!!!! If she can't live on $50 million she can give it to me.

But at least she handled herself with utmost respect in the courtroom. After hearing she was only getting $50 million, she poured a jug of water over the head of Sir Paul McCartney's lawyer Fiona Shackleton

Hey Hobble Whore, you know what you can do with your leg?

MCSKEEVEY MCGREEVEY

What a news day!

I tell you, Spitzer's whore better cash in asap because she's about to be undone by a new sex scandal.

Theodore Pedersen, ex-New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey’s 29-year-old former driver and traveling aide, is claiming that he, McGreevey, and McGreevey's wife used to have weekly three-way sex.

Dina Matos (McGreevey's ex-wife) and Jim McGreevey are currently facing a divorce trial, in which Matos is seeking $600,000 in damages claiming that her husband defrauded her by hiding his sexuality before and during their marriage.

But according to little Teddy that wasn't the case. He says that from 1999-2001 the three of them would engage in a night of hide the sausage every Friday. Evidently the night would begin with dinner at T.G.I. Friday's and end up in the sack.

T.G.I. Friday's? Really? Talk about a night of Friday Sliders.

McGreevey has just come out and said they happened!!!

Matos says they didn't.

I feel sorry for their 6 year old daughter but I can't wait for this one to unfold.

BARELY STANDING STEARNS UPDATE

MSNBC is reporting that JP Morgan will be cutting half of the Bear Stearns employees. That's about 7,000 jobs.

So their stock options are crap and they're losing their jobs. Talk about a sucky Saint Patrick's Day.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

How do you become unpopular in Ireland? Tell the nation to avoid drinking too much alcohol on Saint Patrick's Day.

Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern, who was in Washington to meet U.S. President George W. Bush...called on people back home to drink in moderation.

Irish people drinking in moderation on Saint Patrick's Day? That's like celebrating Christmas without Santa Claus or Christ.

SIR PAUL PAYOUT

And speaking of whores, Heather Mills will receive nearly $50 million in her divorce settlement with Sir Paul McCartney.

The Hobble Whore says she's "so, so happy" with the outcome of her fight for a share of the pop legend's fortune. Um, yeah! Going from homeless to multi-millionaire doesn't suck.

BARELY STANDING STEARNS

How the mighty have fallen. Bear Stearns, one of the largest global investment banks and securities trading and brokerage firms in the world, has fallen to its knees faster than a hooker with Eliot Spitzer.

Last Friday Bear Stearns was worth $3.5 billion. JP Morgan is purchasing Bear Stearns for $236 million. WHAT!?

A year ago a single share of Bear Stearns was $170. Morgan Stanley is paying $2 per share!!

I bought 2 shares of it myself today in the form of a grande non-fat chai at Starbucks.

And the stock market is a tumbling.

Later today, our Idiot Savan President, sans the Savant, will give a press conference about the economy. I can't wait to hear what he says. Oooo, I hope he brings up the whole "make my tax cuts permanent" issue. Because, you know, it's working so well. Note to self: trickle down theories don't trickle down.

SHORT TERM MEMORY

Remember back in 2004 when that 30-second online commercial came out comparing Bush to Hitler? MoveOn.Org (our name is our address) denounced the spot, said it was in poor taste, and yanked it from their website.

The controversial spot used

a tape recording of the Nazi leader speaking while it showed images of Hitler and German military prowess during World War II. At the end of the ad, a photo of Bush raising his hand to take the oath of office is seen.

"A nation warped by lies. Lies fuel fear. Fear fuels aggression. Invasion. Occupation. What were war crimes in 1945 is foreign policy in 2003," the ad said.

Well Republicans were outraged. RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie said

"This is the worst and most vile form of political hate speech. Those are the kind of tactics we're seeing on the left today in support of these Democratic presidential candidates."

Gillespie called on all nine Democratic candidates to repudiate the ad.

Sooooooooo...

Flash forward several years to, Oh, I don't know, let's say...today...and guess who's comparing Hitler to a Presidential candidate? One guess.

FOX News.

I'm shocked.

My friend, the Brit, from the United Kingdom of Great Prattlers, (I say lovingly) has posted an amazing video from FOXATTACKS showing how FOX News is comparing Obama to Hitler and Saddam Hussein.

So where's Gillespie now?

amy winehouse valerie

Yeah yeah yeah, I'm on a video binge right now. Sue me. To me, this is one sexy video.

Amy Winehouse - Valerie (Acoustic, Live, Best Quality)

Yeah, I know she's a mess, but man oh man can my girl sing!!!

Billy Crystals First At Bat As A New York Yankee

I'M GOING TO SLEEP WITH HILLARY

I asked how long it would be before "Kristen," Eliot Mess's whore, would come out with a book or film. Seems she works faster in the entertainment biz than the whoring biz.

Ashley Alexandra Dupré netted a couple thousand dollars from her sex romp with Eliot Spitzer - but she stands to make millions from the scandal.

Penthouse wants her. Hustler wants her. All the morning shows want her. One of her songs was played on the radio. Her songs are being downloaded left and right.

"She is no doubt going to do a book. There will probably be a movie," he said. "I think she is going to have so many offers coming in that it will probably be wishful thinking just to get in the door."

Now how do I sleep with Hillary?

HE CAN'T LEAVE FAST ENOUGH

God, I can't wait until George Dubya Bush is a memory. He is tanking our country like he tanked all of his other businesses. Our economy is being hammered this week by what the NY Times is describing as the perfect storm.

Almost everything seems to be going wrong for the American economy at once. People are buying less, but most things are costing more. Mortgage rates are rising, the dollar is falling and prices of key commodities like oil are leaping from one record high to the next.

On Thursday, the dollar plumbed new lows against the Japanese yen and several other major currencies; the price of an ounce of gold jumped above $1,000 for the first time; and lenders raised home loan rates once again. Government figures showed retail sales fell in February as consumers cut back on cars, furniture and electronics.

Not to mention a record number of foreclosures, the cost of the never ending war in Iraq, and, I forget, did we catch Osama bin Laden dead or alive?

YOU'VE MADE IT, MATTHEW LYSIAK

Matthew Lysiak is a Bay Ridge resident and a writer for the Daily News. He's a fine writer and a heck of a nice guy. Just don't tell that to crazy superintendent Richard Martin.

Evidently Dick isn't enjoying his 15 minutes of fame anymore. Now that most of NYC knows Martin is a hypocrite, a bigot, and an all-around tool, he's now lashing out at Matthew by calling him a "moron," "jackass," and "shit."

In a photo from the always enjoyable BeehiveHairdresser, you can see that Dick, never wanting to take the blame for anything he does, writes

"the Daily News is a shit paper along with all there (sic) writers and reporters Do not buy this paper any more it's garbage. Matthew is shit

Again Richard, if you're going to berate the tenants for not being able to read English, the least you can do is spell the words correctly.

And Matthew, congratulations on making Dick Martin's wall of hatred. I'm mighty proud.

THAT'S QUITE THE CRAP

My wife emailed me this article today. The article is so weird, so funny, and so bizarre I don't think I can comment on it. The only thing I can think of is maybe she was trying to read all of the Harry Potter books.

WICHITA, Kan. - Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years — so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

SPITZER'S HO HO HO

The NY Times has discovered the identity of Eliot Mess's prostitute. Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Here's her myspace page.

The Times basically repeats everything that's on her page, so why should I bother? Go take a look for yourself. And all the time ask yourself, "Is she worth $4300.00 and a ruined career?"

DUMP SALLY KERN

I got a post today about a petition to get Sally Kern out of office. Click here for the website.

If you don't know, Sally is a whack-job from Oklahoma who thinks homosexuality is a bigger threat to the U.S. than terrorism.

Thanks to Heather for the link.

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

My friend, Righty, sent me the link to this website. It's funny, fascinating, and oh so true.

ELIOT QUITZER TAKE 2

Quitzer is live. Wife by his side. She looks grim, but hot. I'm just saying.

Yep, he's quitting. Resigning on March 17. Patterson will be the new Governor.

Quitzer is leaving politics for good. Man, talk about a plummet faster than the 2007 Mets.

And the conference is over. Short and sweet. In, out, bada bing.

How long will his wife stay with him?

So starting March 17, Patterson, legally blind, will be leading our state. Talk about the blind leading the blind.

And now -- how long before "Kristen" comes out with a tell-all book? Can you say Showtime movie?

A THREE HOUR BUST

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from Driggs, Idaho
And ended up with Mary Ann doing 5 nights in jail and serving six months unsupervised probation after being caught with marijuana in her car

That's right. Dawn Wells (69!!), Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island (and the only one on the island without a profession) was pulled over in Driggs, Idaho and

sentenced February 29 to five days in jail, fined $410.50 and placed on probation after pleading guilty to one count of reckless driving.

Under a plea agreement, three misdemeanor counts -- driving under the influence, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance -- were dropped.

No wonder everyone wanted Mary Ann. Ginger was just a dick-tease whore-wannabe. But Mary Ann would get high with you behind the bushes and who knows where that would lead.

No wonder she was always making coconut cream pies.

ELIOT QUITZER

According to CNN, Eliot Mess will announce his resignation at 11:30 am today. Stay tuned.

OKLAHOMO

I found out today that homosexuality is a bigger threat to the U.S. than terrorism or Islam. I know. I'm just as shocked as you. But let me repeat - homosexuality is a bigger threat to the U.S. than terrorism.

This information comes from Rep. Sally Kern, R-Oklahoma City. Kern gave a speech to about 50 Republicans and didn't think anyone else was listening. Turns out someone was and posted her speech on youtube. Oops.

In the speech, Kern points out that

"the homosexual agenda is just destroying this nation" and "studies show no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than a few decades."

There goes Norway!

Kern is a former school teacher and has seen first hand what's happening in our schools.

"We're not teaching facts and knowledge anymore. We're teaching indoctrination."

"We have the gay-straight alliance coming into our schools. Kids are getting involved in these groups, their lives are being ruined. They are going after our young children, as young as two years of age, to try to teach them that the homosexual lifestyle is an acceptable lifestyle.

"This stuff is deadly and it's spreading and it will destroy our young people, it will destroy this nation."

Those damn homosexuals.

Kern denies that the speech was gay bashing and refuses to be denied her right of free speech. But Sally doesn't stop at free speech. A few years ago she sponsored a bill that would restrict access to library books that might contain gay or lesbian themes or information. I wonder if she saw Brokeback Mountain?

And how did her fellow Republicans respond to the controversy?

A state lawmaker who declared that homosexuality is a greater threat to the United States than terrorism said Monday that she received a standing ovation from her fellow Republican legislators Monday.

Kern did not support a bill a few years ago to change the name of Oklahoma to Oklahomo.

IDES OF MARCH RALLY

Here's the info for the Committee to Save the Bay Ridge United Methodist Church Rally. The New Orleans Funeral idea has been scrapped.

Personally, I would have gone with an Ides of March idea. It's the 15th, you know. Have someone dress up like Caesar but with "Bay Ridge Community" written on him and and someone else dress up like Brutus but look like Emerick. Then spend the whole rally watching Emerick stab the community in the back. But that's probably way too mean.

And for anyone looking to contact the Preservationists, their email is savethegreenchurch@yahoo.com.

HOLD THAT GUMBO

Just when I was getting a hankering for some jambalaya, crawfish casserole, and beignets, I learn that the Committee to Save the Bay Ridge United Methodist Church (or NAMBLA) has dropped the New Orleans Funeral protest idea. Instead, they will do an old fashioned "Honk if you want to save the church" protest.

A bit boring but I think it's the better move. The funeral looked like they were throwing in the towel.

I still may bring some gumbo with me.

AND BURIED IN THE NEWS...

What a news day: The Pope comes out with new deadly sins and Gov. Spitzer Swallows is caught in a prostitution ring. Surely some stories are going to get buried. Like this one -

Exhaustive review finds no link between Saddam, al Qaida

WASHINGTON — An exhaustive review of more than 600,000 Iraqi documents that were captured after the 2003 U.S. invasion has found no evidence that Saddam Hussein's regime had any operational links with Osama bin Laden's al Qaida terrorist network.

Probably some left wing liberal media bias study.

The Pentagon-sponsored study of the Iraqi regime's archives found no documents indicating a "direct operational link" between Hussein's Iraq and al Qaida before the invasion.

Pentagon-sponsored!? Oooo, that can't be good. So much for Donald H. Rumsfeld's

"bulletproof" evidence.

So much for Bush tying al Qaida to the ongoing violence in Iraq.

"The same people that attacked us on September the 11th is a crowd that is now bombing people, killing innocent men, women and children, many of whom are Muslims."

And so much for The Short Fuse's assertion

"I have some news. Al Qaida is in Iraq."

And now, back to the whores!

MOTHER TUCKER!

Right wing conservative blowhard, Tucker Carslon, has been yanked from the airwaves. Tucker's MSNBC "low-rated evening yakker" (which made me yak) will be replaced by "Race for the White House With David Gregory."

SPITZER UPDATE

Nearly faster than you can say "criminal coitus," NY may have a new governor by tonight.

Eliot Spitzer’s resignation appears imminent, according to sources, who say Lt. Gov. David Paterson could be sworn in as governor as early as this evening.

SPITZER? I HARDLY KNOW HER

Oh Eliot. NY Governor Eliot Spitzer has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He has been caught on a

federal wiretap arranging to meet with a high-priced prostitute at a Washington hotel last month.

Sweet.

Eliot Mess spent $4300.00 for a 2 1/2 hour session with Kristen --

American, petite, very pretty brunette, five feet five inches, and 105 pounds.

That's about $1720.00 an hour! Good work if you can get it. No word yet if he used tax payers money, but kudos to Eliot for supporting small businesses.

In a brief press conference today, Spitzer admitted to the hooker hook-up, and embarrassingly showed reporters his "size."

Back in 2004, Spitzer busted up a prostitution ring located in Staten Island.

"This was a sophisticated and lucrative operation with a multi-tiered management structure," Spitzer said at the time. "It was, however, nothing more than a prostitution ring."

And Gov. Spitzer, you may have used Emperors Club VIP, but you are nothing more than a stupid john.

NOW EASIER TO GO TO HELL!

What do you do when a new study shows 60% of Catholics in Italy have stopped going to confession?

Add more sins.

That's right, just when I thought I had a grasp on the Original Magnificent Seven, the Pope goes and adds Seven more.

The Original Magnificent Seven:

1. Pride

2. Envy

3. Gluttony

4. Lust

5. Anger

6. Greed

7. Sloth

I was really really good at all of them, usually accomplishing all of them by noon.

The new Seven are:

1. ``Bioethical' violations such as birth control

2. ``Morally dubious'' experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

What's the cutoff for being excessively wealthy? Bill Gates, you're going to hell! I don't care if you're donating your money to charity. You're excessively wealthy. Number 6 on the new list, baby!

Not recycling? Go to hell!

Dubya, you're widening the divide between rich and poor with those tax cuts. Go to hell!

Um, what about all those priests with the alter boys? Would that be a "morally dubious" sin or a "bioethical" violation?

SPRING FORWARD

This Sunday at 2:00 am we spring forward to save our daylight. Don't forget to reset all of your timepieces.

PRESERVATIONISTS CONCEDE DEFEAT!?

Have the preservationists fighting to save the Methodist Church conceded defeat? Next Saturday the Committee to Save the Green Church will stage a mock New Orleans style funeral outside the church on the corner of Ovington and 4th.

“We are mourning the destruction of the three buildings, including the magnificent church, the removal of 211 people’s remains, and the negative impact this demolition will have on the neighbors.”

"Mourning the destruction!?"

Sounds like an admission of defeat if ever I heard one.

MORE BAD BEEF

Remember that beef recall a few weeks ago? The largest one in U.S. history?

Well Congress is trying to find out which retailers sold the tainted beef. Seems like a pretty fair request. Not so fast.

Richard Raymond, the department's undersecretary for food safety, told a House panel that the information is proprietary and can't be disclosed. He said that 10,000 consignees -- from producers to retail establishments -- received the potentially tainted meat, but he couldn't reveal which ones.

Um...WHAT!? 10,000 different places sold the bad meat and we can't find out who it was!? We're talking tainted beef here, folks.

The Agriculture Department proposed a rule change two years ago that would allow disclosure of retailers that receive recalled beef, but the rule still hasn't been finalized. Democratic lawmakers contended that the rule was being delayed by the Bush administration.

Steroids in baseball - we'll leave no stone unturned. Tainted beef - eh, not so much.

ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

This week marks my one year anniversary of living in Bay Ridge. I moved here a year ago from Los Angeles, where I lived for 9 years. Before that I lived in God's Waiting Room, Florida, for 4 years. Here are some rambling random thoughts and observations, in no particular order, about moving back to the northeast.

I hate the cold weather as much as I did when I was growing up here.

Ditto for the humidity.

I love being closer to family and friends.

I love that people here have jobs that are not in film and television.

Tanoreen rocks my world.

I love walking to Sunset Park for killer dim sum.

I love the friendly regulars and employees at "my" Starbucks.

Peppino's Pizza is fantastic.

Thank you, Lord, for real bagels.

I miss my LA friends.

I miss the LA weather.

I miss my tennis court, heated pool, and jacuzzi.

I hardly ever see breast implants anymore.

I never thought grocery aisles could be as narrow as the ones at the Associated.

I miss a Trader Joe's on every corner.

Being in the Ridge when the Giants won the Superbowl was an amazing experience.

I love hearing the sound of boats on the Narrows.

Who knew one town could support so many 99 cent stores?

There are more parades in Bay Ridge than anywhere else I've lived.

I've never heard the f-bomb used as a noun, a verb, an adjective, and an adverb in one sentence more times than in Bay Ridge.

To be continued...

A DICK BY ANY OTHER NAME

Oh Dick, Dick, Dick. Richard Martin, the Ridge's wackiest superintendent, is back in the news. In an article in today's Daily News (written by the Ridge's own Matthew Lysiak) Richard -

has gone from Brooklyn's crankiest super to Oscar the Grouch.

Dick has now moved nine garbage cans into the lobby to teach his tenants a lesson.

"If they want to live like trash, now they can live with trash."

For those of you who don't know, Dick has been in a war with the tenants of the building for about a year. He doesn't like them and has been leaving up signs calling them "retarded" and "stupid." (For the complete sign anthology, click here.) He thinks they're dirty.

"Maybe now that these slobs are swimming in their own trash, they won't just throw it all over the place."

Dick isn't worried about getting fined because the landlord pays the fines and evidently he lives in Syria.

And Dick is also a hypocrite because he was caught throwing his dog's poo into the street. Does he care? No.

Dick, you're not Oscar the Grouch. You're an a**hole. There's no accountability with the building and there's no accountability with your life. You do what you want and don't care what others think.

I say the tenants should withhold paying the rent until this jerk treats them with respect.

GETTING MIGHTY CROWDED

Since there have been a few comments here about the schools in Bay Ridge, I thought I'd post part of a post from January.


It feels as if developers are coming in here with no regard for the community, for the aesthetics of the community, or for the community's infrastructure. We're being lied to and trampled on. I think the Green Church is a culmination of a lot of issues.
There have been a few comments posted here about the schools in Bay Ridge, so I thought I'd post part of an earlier post from January.


If The Ridge adds -- or what it feels like to me -- if The Ridge has thrust upon them fifty condos in place of the Church and a seven-story condo complex in place of a funeral home, who's going to come in and build new schools? Our schools are already overcrowded -

P.S. 170 Lexington School - overcrowded, so four classes are housed in trailers

P.S. 104 Fort Hamilton School - Unfortunately, the school grapples with overcrowding. Kindergarten classes, unable to fit into the main school, take place in a district building five blocks away. And middle school classrooms are too cramped to hold comfortably the 30 or so kids in each class.

P.S. 185 Walter Kassenbrock School - The school is overcrowded, with more than 700 children in a building designed for 500.

Who's going to come in and alleviate the new traffic problems? The new parking problems?

The list goes on and on.

MINI MIKE

Talk about kicking a man when he's down. Not only did Huckleberry drop out of the race last night, but when the question came around to "how big is your or your man's member?" Huckleberry's wife totally humiliated him.


Bubba Size


Wow, who knew


Mini-Mike